Just write.

In the hopes of sparking something deep deep down inside me, I'm writing.
No censorship. No editing. Basta, sulat lang.
Might be the best way to get through this mental constipation.
What I may be going through right now may be the same things I've been through every couple of years? months. It's always been a roller coaster ride. How else would life be exciting if it were only a series of straight aheads.
It's about time I reminded myself that whatever it is I'm looking for might already be staring me right in the face.
These days I call fallow times may be just what I need to challenge...ohh I hate that word right now (coming from client mtgs and internal idea-grinding sessions)
Again, I digress...
To challenge...the boredom that comes with status quo.
But what's wrong the boat not being rocked? Ain't life supposed to be dandy if it's peaceful with nothing but Jack Johnson songs playing in the background?
Ah, but Stone Temple Pilots will always have their place.
Not to mention Mick Jagger singing 'I can't get NO Sa-tis-fac-tion...'

Ano ba talaga ang gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko?

Ah, the eternal question.
Sometimes I think I know what I want to do, and what I need to do to get the ball rolling.
And then I realize what I'm set to forgo.
Then I'd admit that I'm afraid.
Then I'll lovingly embrace the status quo, and simply tell myself that maybe I'm just being a tad bit ungrateful.

Maybe I am.
Maybe I lack endorphins. Sabi ni Regi, kulang kasi ko sa exercise.

Baka nga.

For lack of better answers, let's resurrect an old exercise. So here goes:
Things to be grateful for this Thursday Afternoon:
1. P25 ice cream
2. Friends to eat lunch with
3. Music
4. Earphones to zone off with
5. An 8 year old phone (o 9 ba?) that still works and can still kick ass
6. A 22 year old car that's still trusty, at malakas ang aircon! Go Tatau!
7. Regi's infinite understanding
8. Regi's corny jokes. Him laughing at my even cornier come-backs
9. Coming home to Rayray literally jumping up and down as he shouts 'Nanay, Nanaaaayyy! Hugggg1'
10. Hands that can type
11. All these on top of the usual sweet stuff: family, love, the practicality of having a God that listens.
12. Words.

As Sheldon Cooper would've said, 'There, there.'

Hmm. That felt, kinda...good.

Right or Left?

How do you know when you're doing the right thing?
Whether it be with my job, being a mother, a wife...a daughter, friend, or whatever. Sometimes I wish supers would appear--like a giant red check mark if I'm doing something right and an x mark that starts off as a watermark and begins to darken in shade as I stray away from the right path all the more. Giving me just enough time to mend my ways in the process and get myself back to the red check position.

Sometimes, it just feels right. But when I realize that some people aren't feeling right because of what I did, I start having doubts.
To allay my worries I caress my ego with the thought, "You're not my God."

Whoever it is who may not be pleased with the things I say yes or no to.
I just think, "You're not my God."

Principles sometimes turn gray. And the path sometimes goes wayward towards heaven.
And it does become hard.

These days when decisions seem hard, I just have to remember it's not about pleasing some people; it's about knowing what needs to be done...

And because I'm not all too sure what it is, I say, "God, please point me towards the right direction. And please remember that I have eyesight bordering within 'legally blind' so please please make the signs neon obvious."
Because I want to choose right by you. After all, You are my God.

Some things best enjoyed with you.

Paging regi,paging regi.you're right, we should come back to baguio sometime soon. Sana andito kayo ni Rayray. It's the perfect place and the perfect weather for chillaxing.



https://www.dropbox.com/s/3rw079smdy9lu34/2013-04-23%2018.05.29.jpg

Mommylove.

Dear Rayray,

Whenever I see you (especially as I stare at you sleeping with your chubby cheeks resting on the pillow and your eyes looking all the more Shaolin), I can't help but think "How could we have been so lucky?"
True, there were times when I felt so exhausted and sleep deprived.
There are still some moments when I can't help but notice how much our lives have changed.
I do miss the late night-outs, trips I could go to on a whim, basically not having to worry about anyone else but myself. There are a lot of things, which honestly, had I known before having you, I probably would have had second thoughts on whether or not I could really take on motherhood.
Thank God nothing scared me too much to back out on being a parent. Because no matter how much poo or pee or back-breaking bends to carry 25lbs up around my waist for long stretches...See, right now I can't even think of anything bad enough to merit the thought of not having had you. Nothing could ever be worse than not being with you.

You are such a blessing.
When you hold my cheek in the morning as you say, "Nana, nana."
When you turn over and ride your dad's tummy as you say "Tata, tata!"
I still can't help but feel amazed at how fast you're growing.
And baduy as it may sound, I always have this overwhelming feeling--like my heart's about to explode because it just can't contain the amount of love I feel for you.
I just love you so much. Hugging you just feels like a burst of positive energy. All my worries, frustrations, or whatever sh**ty feeling just melts away.

I thank God for you. It's amazing seeing you cuddled in your Tatay's embrace...and in that moment, I realize how that portion of our bed suddenly contains my whole world.

Always remember that you are very much loved, Anak.

*hugs*
Nanay

My life theme for 2013: The power of gratitude.

For this year I would like to make each day an exercise of gratitude. Come to think of it, I always have a way of looking at the past with a longing feeling. Wishing it'll come back. But I know that when I was there it wasn't always that good and at times I'd wish that the minutes would go much faster than is physically possible just so I could make it to tomorrow.

What's gone seems better, looking back. It's easy to be sad, when you want to. For this year, I still would like to enjoy reminiscing about the good, the bad, what's should've been forgotten, or treasured. But I'd like to consciously, spend more time being thankful for the now.

God, thank you for everything. For the gift of family, friends, words, love, and a whole lot of things I can't put my finger on right now. Thank you, for thank you.