Eraserheads. Ligaya. Alapaap. Wag sanang Huling El Bimbo.

Last night: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

No, wait...I take it back. It wasn’t the worst of times. It was a preview of heaven. A miracle in 45 minutes. It was cut short because Ely had to be rushed to the hospital. I was sad. At some point as Laly (Ely’s sister) read the message onstage, saying that Ely was thankful for the support and was truly regretful that he couldn’t go on further due to his ailing heart (after a heart operation and his mom dying, ailing is an understatement) at the back of my mind I was still hoping that someone onstage would say, “Jokejokejoke! Here comes Ely!” It would’ve been in such bad taste, but having them go on for 2 more sets would’ve sent me straight off to Nirvana.

It was sad because everyone got worried about Ely. But I pray that God would give him more years of song-writing…and hopefully, more years for Eheads.

That’s the thing about Eheads, it’s like a marriage of cool people. Individually they’re good, cool; but strewn together and they make magic happen. Their songs are their wonderful kids, their gifts to the world, their tickets to immortality. The very insurance that long after they’re gone, their names would go on. Because their songs will still stir anyone’s soul.

My voice is still hoarse from last night. With each song they played, I sang with them. I sang my heart, innards, even the tiny hangnail at the side of the littlest toe on my foot sang out. There they were, Markus, Raimund, Buddy, and Ely (THE ERASERHEADS. Admittedly, I can’t think of the band surviving without Ely. But neither would it stand without Markus, Buddy or Raimund. As I said, theirs was a marriage. And it could not have worked out that much…sorry for using the term again…magic, were it not for these people who were so right for each other; na minsan sa may Kalayaan ay pinagtagpo…naging tunay na…magkaibigan.)

It was effortless magic onstage. And it felt amazing to just close my eyes, sing all-out and dance…dance like nobody was watching. Each song they played spoke to me, and probably to every other person in the 45,000 people in the audience. Do they know me? How come they’re singing about my life? How could they have been so great? How could they have let something this beautiful end?

Not just the concert. The band. They have their reasons. And the cliché ‘Some good things never last’ comes to mind. But it doesn’t feel apt. Because though the band stopped playing, they never really ended the music. The magic never got erased.

At the start of the concert, as the countdown ended and I heard the first chords to Alapaap, I almost exploded. 10 years I’ve waited for this. The last time I saw them was at Cervini Hall, I still remember the shirt I wore. The hoarse croak that came out of my mouth when it finally ended. The sweat that covered every microcentimeter of my body. It was mind-blowing. Amazing. Like no other. No matter how hard I try to describe it, I never could. And last night, with that one chord, I swear, I almost exploded…with so much emotions, with such intensity to finally come in for the kill, and release all the pent-up AAAAhhhhhhs!!! Woooohooooooooooos!!!! That only their songs could heartfuly solicit.

Nobody does it better.

I think it was in the middle of Shake yer head that I raised my eyes to the skies as I gyrated to their music and I sang along, that I thought: Pwede na. Pwede na kong mamatay. But syempre, I recanted that statement right away. I don’t want to die. Not just yet. But seeing them there once again, it was like (sorry to be baduy) a dream come true. It’s one of those things that’s probably in my ‘things to do before I die list’ if ever I made one: See the Eheads in concert again.

I’m not so sure which song, I think it was after ‘Kailan’ when Ely said, “Thank you!”
And as people in the crowd took a few seconds of rest, I shouted out back “Thank you! Thank you!”

And I say, Thank you for the music. You don’t know me. I don’t know you personally. But your music has been the theme songs of my life.

Wag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha…kasama mo naman ako.

Lift your head, baby don’t be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way.

When you find yourself in a compromising spot, you should know you shouldn’t take all that dog food that they make. You’d just as soon as put yourself on the stake and burn. You’ll see it coming around. You’ll see it coming around. Oh, when you’ll see it coming around…you just…yeah…shake yer head and walk away.

How it feels so strange, to have grown and changed. Now it’s not the same…’cause time, slips and slides into another place and try as we might to understand each other doesn’t really matter where you are however near, is still so far. It’s like you’re light years away. You’re light years away, from me.

Magkahawak ang ating kamay, at walang kamalay-malay…na tinuruan mo ang puso ko na umibig na tunay.

You were there. For 45 minutes you were there. And then the lights went down. And it was time to go. An abrupt goodbye. It was sad, and worrying because someone’s life was on the line. Thank God, as of last night, text messages were saying that Ely had been in a stable condition. (and it was amazing how everyone really prayed for that minute when the organizers asked everyone to offer a prayer for Ely). Sad…but again, it’s a matter of perspective. Still, that was 45 minutes of magic. An offering of music that spoke to everyone in an indescribable way. Music that cuts through age and socio-economic class. Sincerely, the people there was a microcosm of the Philippine society. Everyone from the cono to the jolog spectrum had been represented. Probably if the Eheads would ask for a rally, just imagine the crowd they could draw. Unbelievable charisma. Such honest words. Such piercing lyrics that never pretended to be anything other than what they really say. Not to sound blasphemous, but they are the Buddha of Philippine music. Each song has an undeniable piece of wisdom to impart. Yeah yeah, some lines could be taken as bullcrap (a part of me cringes at that blasphemy), but it’s the kind of bullcrap that stops you off your tracks and makes you go and think…Oo nga ano.

Seeing them up there made me think. I want to be an Eraserhead. No, not sing (heaven forbid) or play the drums, bass or guitar (although I tried to learn the guitar back in hs just so I could play their songs on Jingle). But be as great as them. Have passion for my craft. Speak to everyone, move them with my words, breach barriers, and stir people into believing that there will always be reason to scream at life like there’s no tomorrow.


Masdan mo aking mata, di mo ba nakikita?
Ako’y lumililipad at nasa alapaap na.
Gusto mo bang sumama?


Salamat, salamat Eheads.

Float like an ant on a leaf.

Today I will take the lead on my life.
I will call the shots.
And for this moment...I decide to float.

At least on that point, I decided.

But sincerely, this is just one of those days when I can't seem to make myself go forward. Must be the disappointments that just topped one over the other. Makes me want to ask: so what's the point?

But I know there is a reason why things happen. Or for my part, why they don't. And for this time why things just seem to be on a standstill.

So I choose to float.
From one perspective, it's like recklessly letting go. Or less profoundly, simply giving up.
From another perspective, it's like telling the universe: I'm all open. Take me wherever.

For this moment I will be an ant on a leaf. I will go where the stream brings me. Hold on to the corners lest my raft topple over. And if it does, so what. Who says ants can't breathe under water? Or who knows if I'll enjoy the swim? Or if the leaf with bring me over to yet another dry land, or a magical place where fairies will happily invite me to play with them.

The hope for magic shall keep me afloat.