Dear Ceycey from 8 months ago.

If I were to meet myself 8 months ago, these are the things I'd tell her:

1. Quit worrying about the breastmilk. Believe me, it'll last.

2. Rayray loves you, even when he cries; even when it takes you a bit longer than the average mom to find out why. He loves you still.

3. Don't compare yourself to those other moms. They probably look like they're having it easy--maybe it's true, or they could be faking it. Each mom to herself. (At least when it comes to mothering styles.)

4. Yes, yes, that's right, show your mom how much you appreciate her; especially now that you've got a preview of how truly hard it is.

5. Oh c'mon, don't be too hard on Regi. Yeah, yeah, he may not get motherhood as well as you can (duh, do guys have a uterus?) but believe me, even when he looks like he doesn't care much...he does, he SO does. He just has to keep his cool and can't be as emotional as you are, because you'll go nuclear if you're both on a drama high.

6. Get some sunshine!!! Those messed-up hormones are all the more gonna get messed up if you don't get your much needed vitamin D! (and fresh air, and a dose of reality, and a wake-up call that YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD WHO'S GOT ISSUES.)

7. It may be hard getting to do simple things like peeing, p**ing, taking a bath, even getting off the bed, but believe me, it's gonna get better much faster than you think. Cherish these moments, because in times when you think there ain't much happening in your life, the mere fact that you get to do all those bathroom duties in a jiffy (flashback to these days) will already make you feel genuinely blessed.

8. You're a mom. Nanay ka na! BASK IN THAT FACT as much as you can. Daydream about Rayray's graduation speech, think of how he'll celebrate his first birthday, his 7th...how he'll introduce the girl (erk.) wait, not too far; anyway, enjoy mommyhood and embrace the fact that there will always be tons of things for you to worry about 'Was that a wheeze I heard?' What's that I felt on his nape...a lump?! Why is pee too yellow? Is his bumbum irritated? Is he getting enough milk? Gassy? Fussy? Will I get to sleep tonight??!?!

And that's just for today.

But no matter how many reasons your mind can concoct just so your could wallow in worries over reasons imagined or real, the fact remains that this miracle of life you call Rayray got to this world oh-so-beautifully with (yes, a bit...well a lot of) worrying and care from your end, but for the most part, it's by God's grace that he came into your life.

So quit worrying too much. Sayang ang energy. Make a conscious effort to enjoy every moment you have with him. No, it's not because he's gonna grow up fast (although to some extent, that is true), but simply because Rayray wants you to be happy too. He wants you to be a happy nanay. And not think that just because he came into your life your spontaneity and youthful ardor for things both mature and mundane should be shelved.

He wants you to be happy for him, and with him.

9. When he's too fussy, sometimes he's just gassy. Manzanilla! (on your palm first, then rub your palms on his tummy, coccyx, and his feet.

10. Don't cry when you have to give him some formula. Mixed feeding doesn't make you an evil mom. It won't make him less of what he should be. And most of all, it's NOT going to make your milk stop.

11. There will be times when you just want to cry--hormones, fatigue, or what have you. Go ahead. But make a conscious effort to remember the first time you heard his heartbeat and the doc confirmed that 'yep, you're gonna have a baby'. And you'll know, it has, and always will be...more than worth it.

:)
Cey