Monday, July 24, 2006

happy birthday. / ! ./! ./! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s over. Not yet. But in less than thirty minutes, it will be.
It’s just so weird. When I was younger, I couldn’t help but wish that God would fast forward all the years and make me older.

Now that I’m here.
Well, I’m here. And, I can’t say that it’s not what I had expected. Because things turned out well within my expectations.

I’m wishing that I was younger.
I’m hoping that I’d be easier to please, easier to happify. (make happy that is.)


Here’s the deal. I am happy. Spent the whole day with Regi. Had dinner with the family. Had advanced celebrations with friends from college and the office. Will be having extended bday celebrations till next week. Good, still have something more to look forward to. Bday’s not yet over.

Okay, so no reason to be sad. Heeeeeaaarrrgh.

But how come I feel so weird? Maybe I’m just tired. Afraid, maybe? Of what?

Of moving farther and farther away from youth and knowing how apparently I’ve become an adult and should start thinking like an adult, arguing like an adult, being complacent, being sad over things that didn’t even matter when I was younger, seeing all life’s complications, being miserable over wants, being taken over by unnecessary anxieties, succumbing to boredom, accepting mediocrity, seeing problems more than fun, complicating life (oh, I’ve said that already)

Of having to have a say in things, of having to say the right things, of holding more responsibility for my actions, for my thoughts, for what I have to do with my life, of wanting more, of looking like I achieved less that what I’ve dreamed of, Of working hard, slaving off and forgetting what exactly for, of cycles I can’t break away from, of a gazillion things Peter Pan would never have had to worry about.

Of not flying over the simplest things.


Oh God, the drama queen has entered the room.

Maybe I just need to sleep. A big chunk of me wants to end this on a high note; with something positive.

Think mind. Think…

Shut up bokbok. You’re alive aren’t you? Would you rather not be?

Good. That’s settled then.

Be Happy.

Thing is, nobody’s immune to sadness. I’ll bet even Peter Pan, in all his eternally youthful glory felt sad and afraid over things only adults, as others believed, were supposed to be afraid of. Barrie only failed to mention it in the book.

Okay, maybe there weren’t adult-sad moments for him. But the point is, cut the crap.
You’re getting older. Deal with it.

Are you really sad, or are you just conforming? Because it has been an age-old tradition after all to start fearing getting older once you cross a certain threshold, around 20ish or 30ish for some…

Okay, so you’re no longer a kid. There are good points to this ageing process. That, you can’t deny. As with everything, this too has got its own set of advantages and disadvantages. And life, is a matter of getting the most of the former, least of the latter.

You are happy Cey. You’ve just turned 25. Congratulations./!

As for your fears. Well, you could spend the whole night griping, or you could just get yourself to sleep. Give yourself some time to dream, then live again the next day. 25, it’s just a figure. You could be happy or sad at any age. Quit ranting. You want to be happy, right? Then be happy.

Got it? Yup. Good. Okay.

Thank you God, I’m 25. Sincerely, thank you.