Merry marry.

We've parked the wedding preps for now. The church, venue, photog&videographer, make-up artist, day coordinator--have been booked. Mom's going to do the wedding gown & most of the entourage's dresses. We're just waiting for the caterer's accreditation. It's as if October o-10's just round the bend.

Since that's almost settled, it's time to move on to other matters. We've been planning for the wedding, now we're moving on to the marriage. Number one on the list: house. After all, where are we to build a home if we haven't got a roof over our heads and four walls we could call our own.

Admittedly, these next steps have gotten me thinking about a million what-ifs and what-nots. A million might be an exaggeration, but it gets the point across. There are a lot to think about. Is this the perfect location? Association dues every month? Mortgage payment. Where will the kids play? Will it be near their school? Will the neighbors be nice? Are we staying here for the long term? Would one parking slot be enough? Rent or buy? How much would monthly groceries cost? Will I be a good mom? 1 or 2 kids? Will I learn how to cook? Where should we put the treadmill? What time will we leave for work? Are we going to do the laundry there? 10 or 15 year loan? Bank or Pag-ibig?

Pag-ibig. In more ways than one I hope that answers the question. But even when there are a million/ soooo many uncertainties awaiting us; the prospect of facing them all as US still proves more attractive than staying put and basking in the comfort of predictability. A part of me doesn't believe that--that part which has always been iffy with change. But I know it's merely playing the part of the devil's advocate. At some point it's going to come around. I remember Sister Sol telling me back in college--when I was afraid to take on a position just because...I was afraid. And she told me, "Kung parati kang takot, wala kang mararating."

There are a million fears. At this point, more than a million. Nyar. But there are still more reasons to be grateful. And I'd like to think that these fears are merely a manifestation of how much I really want this. Of how much I want this to more than just work; but be that which I've always dreamed of. More than being paralyzing, I'm taking these as parameters for setting priorities. My excitement might be tempered, but my joy remains the same. There is comfort in knowing that everything will turn out right--with the right planning, unwavering faith, and a journey through this aisle of life with big leaps and baby steps.

I'm keeping my eye on the goal. This is going to be fun.