Conscious Effort. Here goes:
1. Understanding parents
2. Heat that doesn't burn
3. Aircon
4. Warm soup (plus point 3)
5. Spongebob and Patrick
6. Laughter
7. Chocolates
8. Pure orange juice, no ice. Big Chill without the chill.
9. Chocovron. And Regi's joy when he has one.
10. Unsolicited smiles
11. Surprise messages
12. Understanding jowa
13. Thoughts that would quiet down
14. Water
15. Hair clips
16. Pimples that didn't leave pockmarks
17. The memory of UP's tree-lined avenues and walking on them on a non-sticky 7am morning
18. The ability to channel happy memories at will
19. Imagining sleep
20. Waking up and knowing that everything will be alright. Rock-a-bye.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Mentally Constipated then this.
With so many things happening I can't seem to stay put and just enjoy the moment. I know I should, but I can't help but rush off to the next task lest I run the risk of listening to my horrid thoughts on defeat and purpose and being tired and going off and looking for that one thing that's supposed to make all these things worth it.
Ah, the joy of rambling.
Just came from Boracay. What was supposed to be one of the most wonderful places in the whole wide world for me was practically smeared by the foul stench of defeat. I hate to admit it, but it still hurts. I kept on asking God, if you knew that I wouldn't win, why even bother giving me the chance to join again?
But I know the answers. The usual suspects that go: There is a purpose for all these. You've had your chance then, it's time for other to reap the European harvest. But why rub it in my face God?
What's the point?
I have always made it a point to end my blogposts in a more or less positive note. But for this time, I am not so sure how this thing would go.
There is comfort in knowing that there is a Grand Plan, but when you feel like you're still in the process of discovering how it all unfolds, the labor pains just seem so unbearable. It's like you're reading a Choose your own Adventure Book and would rather skip to the end and know how it all turns out.
A part of me wants to to...actually, has already told Him, "Labo mo God."
Blasphemous I know. And for fear of being struck by lightning I said, "Ay, sorry. Pero please, bigay mo na sakin 'tong moment na 'to. Let me sulk."
And sulk I did the whole night when defeat was once again rubbed oh so sweetly like carabao dung on my face. I wish it'd work like fertilizer and make good things grow on my head.
Despite the failure, I know that I should still be thankful. That's what they all say. From the rubbles of defeat I shall rise. Bah. Way easier said than done.
I have resisted writing about this. Because I've wanted this blog to be about the things I want to look back on, things I want to reminisce about. Defeat doesn't exactly leave a sweet tingling sensation.
But I guess no matter how much I ramble or think out "Labo mo God" I know I will get to that point when I will look back on this post and laugh at the angsty comments. And be thankful that it did happen, because I became a better person (I don't know yet how at this point) because of dung dung defeat.
Mommy says: Things like these happen so you won't forget Him. You may pray when you're happy, but you pray differently when you're down.
And so I tell Him, "Sincerely, at this point God, ang labo. Do you want me to go on with this path or to go the other way? Should I forge on, or is this a sign to look away? Defeatist? Pragmatist? Weirdly-optimistic? Which one should I be? Whatever it is, please make the signs clear, as you can see I have very bad vision. And I rant when I fall down. So please take my hand, lead me, please? Kasi kung malabo ka, I concede, mas malabo ako."
Things to be thankful for today:
1. Jellybeans from mommy
2. Medical City's night-shift opthalmologist
3. Mommy's eyes are healing well
4. Patient jowa
5. Risotto dinner
6. Del Mar
7. Friends
8. Surprise dress sales
9. Goya Almond Chocolates
10. Leonidas from Regi
11. Shower
12. Car aircon
13. Kermit the frog
14. Happy partners
15. Fern-C
16. Apple Cider vinegar
17. Flash drive
18. Ranting and finally stopping.
Ah, the joy of rambling.
Just came from Boracay. What was supposed to be one of the most wonderful places in the whole wide world for me was practically smeared by the foul stench of defeat. I hate to admit it, but it still hurts. I kept on asking God, if you knew that I wouldn't win, why even bother giving me the chance to join again?
But I know the answers. The usual suspects that go: There is a purpose for all these. You've had your chance then, it's time for other to reap the European harvest. But why rub it in my face God?
What's the point?
I have always made it a point to end my blogposts in a more or less positive note. But for this time, I am not so sure how this thing would go.
There is comfort in knowing that there is a Grand Plan, but when you feel like you're still in the process of discovering how it all unfolds, the labor pains just seem so unbearable. It's like you're reading a Choose your own Adventure Book and would rather skip to the end and know how it all turns out.
A part of me wants to to...actually, has already told Him, "Labo mo God."
Blasphemous I know. And for fear of being struck by lightning I said, "Ay, sorry. Pero please, bigay mo na sakin 'tong moment na 'to. Let me sulk."
And sulk I did the whole night when defeat was once again rubbed oh so sweetly like carabao dung on my face. I wish it'd work like fertilizer and make good things grow on my head.
Despite the failure, I know that I should still be thankful. That's what they all say. From the rubbles of defeat I shall rise. Bah. Way easier said than done.
I have resisted writing about this. Because I've wanted this blog to be about the things I want to look back on, things I want to reminisce about. Defeat doesn't exactly leave a sweet tingling sensation.
But I guess no matter how much I ramble or think out "Labo mo God" I know I will get to that point when I will look back on this post and laugh at the angsty comments. And be thankful that it did happen, because I became a better person (I don't know yet how at this point) because of dung dung defeat.
Mommy says: Things like these happen so you won't forget Him. You may pray when you're happy, but you pray differently when you're down.
And so I tell Him, "Sincerely, at this point God, ang labo. Do you want me to go on with this path or to go the other way? Should I forge on, or is this a sign to look away? Defeatist? Pragmatist? Weirdly-optimistic? Which one should I be? Whatever it is, please make the signs clear, as you can see I have very bad vision. And I rant when I fall down. So please take my hand, lead me, please? Kasi kung malabo ka, I concede, mas malabo ako."
Things to be thankful for today:
1. Jellybeans from mommy
2. Medical City's night-shift opthalmologist
3. Mommy's eyes are healing well
4. Patient jowa
5. Risotto dinner
6. Del Mar
7. Friends
8. Surprise dress sales
9. Goya Almond Chocolates
10. Leonidas from Regi
11. Shower
12. Car aircon
13. Kermit the frog
14. Happy partners
15. Fern-C
16. Apple Cider vinegar
17. Flash drive
18. Ranting and finally stopping.
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