Sabi ni Seneca, "People love to touch their wounds, even when they know they hurt."
Oo nga naman. Parang yung mga old heartbreaks yan e. Ang sarap lang balik-balikan, paulit-ulit sa utak mo minsan; kahit alam mong somewhere deep down may sumasakit pa rin. But the thing is, may kakaibang sayang kasama yung lungkot e. Nostalgia ba yun? Mala. Basta, it's bittersweet. More sweet, than bitter.
Ang baduy no. Pero totoo pala yung sinasabi sa pelikula. Parang yung nasabi ni Nicolas Cage sa City of Angels, di eksaktong ganito, pero mala--"It was better to have spent two minutes with her; to touch her skin, kiss her lips...than to have spent the whole eternity not having met her." Ano bang punto ko?
Basta ang galing...na-gets ko na yung sinasabi nung mga sappy romantic movies na tipong if I had a choice between not having gone through all those heartbreaks and still having the chance to go through the good times even when it will all end in pain. Syempre, dun na sa huli. Kasi, masaya lang. Yung mga panahong nagpa-cutie cute cute kayo ng isang tao at nauwi lang sa wala. Well, not exactly wala. (kasi sa huli nagdrama ka, at some point swore off that race).
At isa pang maganda sa mga bittersweet moments na ganun. Parang mas matamis yung tagumpay sa huli. Matapos ang lahat ng shitty heartaches, yung aanihin mo pala sa huli, more than compensates for all those times when you thought true love won't happen. Yuck, an baduy. Pero I don't know how else to put it.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Mokoryofulufu
I just came from a 2 hour telecon. Tired as expected. But more sad, that tired. Unbelievable, just how many brilliant minds were working to solve a soapy problem with the (seemingly) looming thought that whatever mistake we might make could turn the whole world upside down, start another war or open another gaping hole on the ozone. Yes, if we get through this campaign and air this new ad the best possible way, we will end up with a better world.
Here's the sucker. If I'm complaining so much, why don't I just unmute the phone and shout out: What the hell is it that you really want? I've only been in this business 5 years and already I feel as jaded as a 300 year old man.
Funny thing, when I walked into the meeting, I already had an inkling that it wouldn't go well. Do they ever? Do they ever? I'm just in a f**ed up mood right now, but I know that if I dig well enough into my subconscious I could find some memories of meetings that did go well. This just isn't one of them.
So going back to the bad trip point. Five years, five years and already I'm running on empty. Five years...four pa lang pala! Hay :c How will I even last? But the reality is, I have to make it last. This is, after all, a job. You know, something you have to do to get what do they call that...money?
Ay, oo nga pala.
A part of me wants to say: C'mon look at the bright side, they are good people after all. Yeah yeah. Ok, to be fair, they are good people. A bit rude in some meetings, but I can't say we always put in our best behavior even in the most heated arguments. Ok. There, they're good people. Good, meaning, they don't do this to intentionally hurt the other people on the other side of the phone. Good, meaning, basta, they're not evil.
But please, after this meeting, allow me to wallow in self-pity. Parang...okay lang if we were all trapped inside this room brainstorming about the cure for cancer. Or about the fool-proof path to world peace. But no. Sabon. Wow men. Sabon.
Okay, cey, mareklamo ka? Then get out. Yeah right. Get out your face. I guess this is one of those reasons that make being a grown up so much un-fun compared to being a kid. You realize you have to do things because, well, you have to. You no longer do things out of whim, out of wanting to, out of knowing that at the end of all this shit you're going to find fulfillment.
Bwahahahaha.
Bilangin na lang natin ang blessings. Were it not for clients like these, who will pay our salary? Ang lungkot naman ng thought na yun. Sad, sad sad, but oh so freaking true.
Ang sarap tuloy gumawa ng wishlist:
1. Sana manalo ako sa lotto nang hindi tumataya. Oh wouldn't it be wonderful if a stray lotto ticket would come flying in the air and land so magically on my knee as I sit watching the television surfing the channels and suddenly chance upon the results on channel 4. Tapos winning numbers yung nasa magic lotto ticket. At 200 gazillion ang pot. Potek, ang saya non men. Tapos bibili ako ng ahensya at ng kompanya tapos ako ang writer pati kliyente. Tungaw...magpapagulong-gulong na lang pala 'ko sa pera. Fine, bibigyan ko din yung nararapat.
2. Clients who'd tell you, "Overall I like it." nang walang kadungtong na But...
3. Pero yung may input pa rin ha. Di naman yung tipong nag-present ka lang sa sarili mo. And if you think their inputs won't do anything to make the ad better, you could all just forget about it, tapos bati na kayo.
4. Clean air forever.
5. Tubuan ng kulugo ang lahat ng kurakot. One kulugo for every peso stolen.
6. Wala nang mahirap sa mundo.
7. Disiplina sa Pilipinas.
8. Good health sa lahat.
9. Wala nang masamang tao, hayop o kung ano pa man.
10. Rainbows kung kailan mo gusto. Kahit walang ulan before they appear.
11. Free time on demand.
12. Chocolates na nakakapayat habang kinakain.
13. Mahaba at masayang buhay sa lahat ng may gusto nito.
Wow...ayan. konting lungkot na lang. Hmmm, parang eto ang equivalent to making one thousand jumping jacks to create enough endorphins to erase the sorrow. Pero napagod daliri ko. Okay lang.
Isa pa palang wish. Gusto kong mag-Bora.
Here's the sucker. If I'm complaining so much, why don't I just unmute the phone and shout out: What the hell is it that you really want? I've only been in this business 5 years and already I feel as jaded as a 300 year old man.
Funny thing, when I walked into the meeting, I already had an inkling that it wouldn't go well. Do they ever? Do they ever? I'm just in a f**ed up mood right now, but I know that if I dig well enough into my subconscious I could find some memories of meetings that did go well. This just isn't one of them.
So going back to the bad trip point. Five years, five years and already I'm running on empty. Five years...four pa lang pala! Hay :c How will I even last? But the reality is, I have to make it last. This is, after all, a job. You know, something you have to do to get what do they call that...money?
Ay, oo nga pala.
A part of me wants to say: C'mon look at the bright side, they are good people after all. Yeah yeah. Ok, to be fair, they are good people. A bit rude in some meetings, but I can't say we always put in our best behavior even in the most heated arguments. Ok. There, they're good people. Good, meaning, they don't do this to intentionally hurt the other people on the other side of the phone. Good, meaning, basta, they're not evil.
But please, after this meeting, allow me to wallow in self-pity. Parang...okay lang if we were all trapped inside this room brainstorming about the cure for cancer. Or about the fool-proof path to world peace. But no. Sabon. Wow men. Sabon.
Okay, cey, mareklamo ka? Then get out. Yeah right. Get out your face. I guess this is one of those reasons that make being a grown up so much un-fun compared to being a kid. You realize you have to do things because, well, you have to. You no longer do things out of whim, out of wanting to, out of knowing that at the end of all this shit you're going to find fulfillment.
Bwahahahaha.
Bilangin na lang natin ang blessings. Were it not for clients like these, who will pay our salary? Ang lungkot naman ng thought na yun. Sad, sad sad, but oh so freaking true.
Ang sarap tuloy gumawa ng wishlist:
1. Sana manalo ako sa lotto nang hindi tumataya. Oh wouldn't it be wonderful if a stray lotto ticket would come flying in the air and land so magically on my knee as I sit watching the television surfing the channels and suddenly chance upon the results on channel 4. Tapos winning numbers yung nasa magic lotto ticket. At 200 gazillion ang pot. Potek, ang saya non men. Tapos bibili ako ng ahensya at ng kompanya tapos ako ang writer pati kliyente. Tungaw...magpapagulong-gulong na lang pala 'ko sa pera. Fine, bibigyan ko din yung nararapat.
2. Clients who'd tell you, "Overall I like it." nang walang kadungtong na But...
3. Pero yung may input pa rin ha. Di naman yung tipong nag-present ka lang sa sarili mo. And if you think their inputs won't do anything to make the ad better, you could all just forget about it, tapos bati na kayo.
4. Clean air forever.
5. Tubuan ng kulugo ang lahat ng kurakot. One kulugo for every peso stolen.
6. Wala nang mahirap sa mundo.
7. Disiplina sa Pilipinas.
8. Good health sa lahat.
9. Wala nang masamang tao, hayop o kung ano pa man.
10. Rainbows kung kailan mo gusto. Kahit walang ulan before they appear.
11. Free time on demand.
12. Chocolates na nakakapayat habang kinakain.
13. Mahaba at masayang buhay sa lahat ng may gusto nito.
Wow...ayan. konting lungkot na lang. Hmmm, parang eto ang equivalent to making one thousand jumping jacks to create enough endorphins to erase the sorrow. Pero napagod daliri ko. Okay lang.
Isa pa palang wish. Gusto kong mag-Bora.
Monday, July 24, 2006
happy birthday. / ! ./! ./! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s over. Not yet. But in less than thirty minutes, it will be.
It’s just so weird. When I was younger, I couldn’t help but wish that God would fast forward all the years and make me older.
Now that I’m here.
Well, I’m here. And, I can’t say that it’s not what I had expected. Because things turned out well within my expectations.
I’m wishing that I was younger.
I’m hoping that I’d be easier to please, easier to happify. (make happy that is.)
Here’s the deal. I am happy. Spent the whole day with Regi. Had dinner with the family. Had advanced celebrations with friends from college and the office. Will be having extended bday celebrations till next week. Good, still have something more to look forward to. Bday’s not yet over.
Okay, so no reason to be sad. Heeeeeaaarrrgh.
But how come I feel so weird? Maybe I’m just tired. Afraid, maybe? Of what?
Of moving farther and farther away from youth and knowing how apparently I’ve become an adult and should start thinking like an adult, arguing like an adult, being complacent, being sad over things that didn’t even matter when I was younger, seeing all life’s complications, being miserable over wants, being taken over by unnecessary anxieties, succumbing to boredom, accepting mediocrity, seeing problems more than fun, complicating life (oh, I’ve said that already)
Of having to have a say in things, of having to say the right things, of holding more responsibility for my actions, for my thoughts, for what I have to do with my life, of wanting more, of looking like I achieved less that what I’ve dreamed of, Of working hard, slaving off and forgetting what exactly for, of cycles I can’t break away from, of a gazillion things Peter Pan would never have had to worry about.
Of not flying over the simplest things.
Oh God, the drama queen has entered the room.
Maybe I just need to sleep. A big chunk of me wants to end this on a high note; with something positive.
Think mind. Think…
Shut up bokbok. You’re alive aren’t you? Would you rather not be?
Good. That’s settled then.
Be Happy.
Thing is, nobody’s immune to sadness. I’ll bet even Peter Pan, in all his eternally youthful glory felt sad and afraid over things only adults, as others believed, were supposed to be afraid of. Barrie only failed to mention it in the book.
Okay, maybe there weren’t adult-sad moments for him. But the point is, cut the crap.
You’re getting older. Deal with it.
Are you really sad, or are you just conforming? Because it has been an age-old tradition after all to start fearing getting older once you cross a certain threshold, around 20ish or 30ish for some…
Okay, so you’re no longer a kid. There are good points to this ageing process. That, you can’t deny. As with everything, this too has got its own set of advantages and disadvantages. And life, is a matter of getting the most of the former, least of the latter.
You are happy Cey. You’ve just turned 25. Congratulations./!
As for your fears. Well, you could spend the whole night griping, or you could just get yourself to sleep. Give yourself some time to dream, then live again the next day. 25, it’s just a figure. You could be happy or sad at any age. Quit ranting. You want to be happy, right? Then be happy.
Got it? Yup. Good. Okay.
Thank you God, I’m 25. Sincerely, thank you.
It’s just so weird. When I was younger, I couldn’t help but wish that God would fast forward all the years and make me older.
Now that I’m here.
Well, I’m here. And, I can’t say that it’s not what I had expected. Because things turned out well within my expectations.
I’m wishing that I was younger.
I’m hoping that I’d be easier to please, easier to happify. (make happy that is.)
Here’s the deal. I am happy. Spent the whole day with Regi. Had dinner with the family. Had advanced celebrations with friends from college and the office. Will be having extended bday celebrations till next week. Good, still have something more to look forward to. Bday’s not yet over.
Okay, so no reason to be sad. Heeeeeaaarrrgh.
But how come I feel so weird? Maybe I’m just tired. Afraid, maybe? Of what?
Of moving farther and farther away from youth and knowing how apparently I’ve become an adult and should start thinking like an adult, arguing like an adult, being complacent, being sad over things that didn’t even matter when I was younger, seeing all life’s complications, being miserable over wants, being taken over by unnecessary anxieties, succumbing to boredom, accepting mediocrity, seeing problems more than fun, complicating life (oh, I’ve said that already)
Of having to have a say in things, of having to say the right things, of holding more responsibility for my actions, for my thoughts, for what I have to do with my life, of wanting more, of looking like I achieved less that what I’ve dreamed of, Of working hard, slaving off and forgetting what exactly for, of cycles I can’t break away from, of a gazillion things Peter Pan would never have had to worry about.
Of not flying over the simplest things.
Oh God, the drama queen has entered the room.
Maybe I just need to sleep. A big chunk of me wants to end this on a high note; with something positive.
Think mind. Think…
Shut up bokbok. You’re alive aren’t you? Would you rather not be?
Good. That’s settled then.
Be Happy.
Thing is, nobody’s immune to sadness. I’ll bet even Peter Pan, in all his eternally youthful glory felt sad and afraid over things only adults, as others believed, were supposed to be afraid of. Barrie only failed to mention it in the book.
Okay, maybe there weren’t adult-sad moments for him. But the point is, cut the crap.
You’re getting older. Deal with it.
Are you really sad, or are you just conforming? Because it has been an age-old tradition after all to start fearing getting older once you cross a certain threshold, around 20ish or 30ish for some…
Okay, so you’re no longer a kid. There are good points to this ageing process. That, you can’t deny. As with everything, this too has got its own set of advantages and disadvantages. And life, is a matter of getting the most of the former, least of the latter.
You are happy Cey. You’ve just turned 25. Congratulations./!
As for your fears. Well, you could spend the whole night griping, or you could just get yourself to sleep. Give yourself some time to dream, then live again the next day. 25, it’s just a figure. You could be happy or sad at any age. Quit ranting. You want to be happy, right? Then be happy.
Got it? Yup. Good. Okay.
Thank you God, I’m 25. Sincerely, thank you.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
I miss weekends
Friday na bukas.
Sa wakas. Makakatikim din ng weekend.
Sugarbollywow. For the first time in more than a month, makakatikim din ako ng Sabado. Makakatulog nang hindi kailangang gumising sa alarm clock. Gigising para isipin kung babangon na ba para manood ng tv o bumalik para matulog uli. Maliligo kung aalis lang sa gabi. Makakapagkwentuhan ang nanay at tatay ko. Makakapag-date with regi. Makikipagkita sa mga kaibigang ilang beses nang tinext ng sorry di na NAMAN ako pwede.
Weekends. Precious nga naman. Di lang dahil oras 'to para magpahinga kundi dahil eto ang panahon para sa mga bagay na mas importante pa sa trabaho. Bukod sa di makapanood ng tv, ang pinakapanget pag nawawalan ng weekends, wala nang oras para sa mga taong di naman dapat isinasantabi. Kaso ganun e. 5 araw sa trabaho, sa 2 araw, bahala na kung paano pagkakasyahin para sa mga mahal sa buhay na di kinikita buong linggo.
Parang may mali no? 2 days lang para dun...E ganun e. Kung wala ka namang trabaho, may 7 araw ka nga para kitain ang lahat ng mga kapamilya, kaibigan at iba pang mga mahal sa buhay, wala ka namang pera para gawin ang mga gusto nyo, kumain ng masarap, bumili ng magagandang regalo, pumunta sa mga magagandang lugar.
So pano na?
Sino bang nag-imbento ng konseptong 'to. E, teka, sino ba ng may sabing kailangang sumunod? Di naman tayo tinutukan ng baril para maging ganito. Pinasok nang walang karekla-reklamo. Tas pag andito na...ayun mag-aasim.
Teka, hindi ako nag-aasim.
Akchwali, masaya naman e. Walang bull****. Kaso, ayoko lang na pag ma-libre lang ng konti, make-up time naman. Panget, pag make-up lang, kasi di pwedeng maging kaibigan, gelpren, anak nang real time. Ang baduy.
Tama nang pag-aasim. Basta bukas Biyernes na. Tapos matamis na uli ang Sabado't Linggo.
Sa wakas. Makakatikim din ng weekend.
Sugarbollywow. For the first time in more than a month, makakatikim din ako ng Sabado. Makakatulog nang hindi kailangang gumising sa alarm clock. Gigising para isipin kung babangon na ba para manood ng tv o bumalik para matulog uli. Maliligo kung aalis lang sa gabi. Makakapagkwentuhan ang nanay at tatay ko. Makakapag-date with regi. Makikipagkita sa mga kaibigang ilang beses nang tinext ng sorry di na NAMAN ako pwede.
Weekends. Precious nga naman. Di lang dahil oras 'to para magpahinga kundi dahil eto ang panahon para sa mga bagay na mas importante pa sa trabaho. Bukod sa di makapanood ng tv, ang pinakapanget pag nawawalan ng weekends, wala nang oras para sa mga taong di naman dapat isinasantabi. Kaso ganun e. 5 araw sa trabaho, sa 2 araw, bahala na kung paano pagkakasyahin para sa mga mahal sa buhay na di kinikita buong linggo.
Parang may mali no? 2 days lang para dun...E ganun e. Kung wala ka namang trabaho, may 7 araw ka nga para kitain ang lahat ng mga kapamilya, kaibigan at iba pang mga mahal sa buhay, wala ka namang pera para gawin ang mga gusto nyo, kumain ng masarap, bumili ng magagandang regalo, pumunta sa mga magagandang lugar.
So pano na?
Sino bang nag-imbento ng konseptong 'to. E, teka, sino ba ng may sabing kailangang sumunod? Di naman tayo tinutukan ng baril para maging ganito. Pinasok nang walang karekla-reklamo. Tas pag andito na...ayun mag-aasim.
Teka, hindi ako nag-aasim.
Akchwali, masaya naman e. Walang bull****. Kaso, ayoko lang na pag ma-libre lang ng konti, make-up time naman. Panget, pag make-up lang, kasi di pwedeng maging kaibigan, gelpren, anak nang real time. Ang baduy.
Tama nang pag-aasim. Basta bukas Biyernes na. Tapos matamis na uli ang Sabado't Linggo.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Bokbok talks
Ephemeral. When you get older, it's amazing how handy this word becomes in describing relationships. Not all I hope, but some. It's not that you want them to be, but that's how things turn out. Either that or erratic; more like sporadic. The longer you go through life, the easier it is to accept that you're going to go through it for the most part alone. Sad? Not necessarily. But true.
That's bokbok speaking. Ang hari ng pagmumukmok. Panira ng ligaya. Tagahila sa realidad pag nakaangat masyado ang ulo ko sa ulap.
Pero may punto. Kaya siguro mas madali maging detached. Para pag may nawala, di kailangang kalungkutan. Kaso nga lang, mejo hilaw pag dating sa pag-aalaga sa mga dapat alagaan, sa pagsabi ng 'i love you' dun sa nararapat.
O baka masyado lang akong nag-iisip. Diba sabi nila, start with the end in sight. Tama ba? Sa tamang konteksto, oo. So it's easier to see your goal, to visualize, imbibe what lies after the finish line.
Pero, pwede bang magsimula nang di tinatanaw kung anong nasa dulo? Minsan kasi nakakatakot lang isipin what lies ahead. Pero di kaya unfair yun sa kasabay kong tumakbo? Ewan. Bahala na. A basta.
E ano ba kasi ang kinatatakutan ko sa dulo? Kasal? Hiwalayan? Pagpapamilya, o pag-iisa? Ba't ko ba 'to iniisip?
Ewan.
Basta, wala namang sigurado sa mundo. Isa isa lang. Isa-isa lang muna. Kung ano-ano kasing pinoproblema, di naman kailangan. Itigil ko na nga to.
Eto lang. Sana kung ano man ang ending, walang masasaktan. Lahat masaya. Ano ba 'to. Tumatanda na ata ko. Wag masyado, ayoko.
That's bokbok speaking. Ang hari ng pagmumukmok. Panira ng ligaya. Tagahila sa realidad pag nakaangat masyado ang ulo ko sa ulap.
Pero may punto. Kaya siguro mas madali maging detached. Para pag may nawala, di kailangang kalungkutan. Kaso nga lang, mejo hilaw pag dating sa pag-aalaga sa mga dapat alagaan, sa pagsabi ng 'i love you' dun sa nararapat.
O baka masyado lang akong nag-iisip. Diba sabi nila, start with the end in sight. Tama ba? Sa tamang konteksto, oo. So it's easier to see your goal, to visualize, imbibe what lies after the finish line.
Pero, pwede bang magsimula nang di tinatanaw kung anong nasa dulo? Minsan kasi nakakatakot lang isipin what lies ahead. Pero di kaya unfair yun sa kasabay kong tumakbo? Ewan. Bahala na. A basta.
E ano ba kasi ang kinatatakutan ko sa dulo? Kasal? Hiwalayan? Pagpapamilya, o pag-iisa? Ba't ko ba 'to iniisip?
Ewan.
Basta, wala namang sigurado sa mundo. Isa isa lang. Isa-isa lang muna. Kung ano-ano kasing pinoproblema, di naman kailangan. Itigil ko na nga to.
Eto lang. Sana kung ano man ang ending, walang masasaktan. Lahat masaya. Ano ba 'to. Tumatanda na ata ko. Wag masyado, ayoko.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Reconnecting
Last night I went to dinner with my high school friends. And it just feels so good to reconnect…not only with old friends, but with my old self. Parang walang lumipas na oras habang nagkwentuhan kami uli tungkol sa mga dating pangarap, dating pananaw, dating mga hinaing. Alam naming may mga nagbago na, pero ang sarap lang uli makasama nung mga taong ka-antabay mo habang binubuo mo pa lang yung mga panaginip mo; at alam mong di ka nila huhusgahan kung di mo pa man yun naaabot, o kung nagbago man ng tuluyan ang mga inaasam-asam mo. Basta alam mong masaya sila para sayo. At masaya ka rin para sa kanila. Walang regrets. Masarap. Nakakarecharge.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Hairrrrrr.
Last night I had my haircut. And I felt unbelievably awful when I suddenly put my eyeglasses to see the final product.
This is what I get for not clearly stating what I want. Thing is, I’m the type of person to say what I want. Sometimes however, I don’t get to, because it’s either what I want still isn’t too clear for me, or I’d like to get a bit of a surprise.
Last night I was surprised all right. Surprised to see almost the same unbelievably plain hairstyle I went with 45 minutes ago. I entered and left the salon the same person, P500 poorer though.
It’s a stupid haircut, deal with it. The hair’s been chopped off, there’s nothing you could do with it. Better than spilled milk, I guess, because hair grows back up; milk doesn’t.
Still I feel awful. When I went home, I kept on coming back to the mirror to check. Probably in the hopes that at some angle, or under a different lighting condition it would look better. It didn’t.
Now I woke up, still hoping that it’s gotten better in 7 hours. It hasn’t.
Stupid, stupid haircut. This is what you get for not spelling out what you want.
The worst part is that I had no one else to blame but myself. Felt bad for the stylist though. Because I knew he read my mind. It’s quite easy to do that when you’re faced with someone who’s undeniably transparent expressions can’t hide anything, even when tried so hard. Felt bad for my friends who went with me that night because they had to hear me rant. Awful display of dramatics on a wonderful Friday night. I probably should’ve kept my (#(@*$) feelings to myself. Then, they wouldn’t have felt bad, because they too wanted me to get the haircut. Maybe they felt they had something to do with this stupid incident. They didn’t. It was unfair to them. It was all a product of MY bad briefing to the stylist; MY inability to describe what I really really wanted; MY carelessness not to check from time to time…knowing that this has already happened before.
(The thing is, when I take off my eyeglasses, I practically see nothing on the mirror but a blob of brown with something black on top. That would have otherwise been my face and my hair being cut off in the process, to someone with clear vision)
Stupid, stupid way to burn money. Ok. Fine. This haircut would’ve been perfectly ok—if I paid 1/3 the price. I could’ve done something similar to this with a pair of scissors.
Stupid, stupid me. This has happened before. The reason why I haven’t gone to a salon in 3 years is because I always end up with a haircut so far from what I want. The reason why I’ve started to learn how to cut my own hair. (which yes, sometimes looks like I’ve gotten gum stucked to my hair the other night; but still I did it for free. And for me, it was what the look that I wanted)
Honestly, I didn’t have a clear picture in my head of what it is I wanted. I had them in broad strokes, probably. Ultimately, what I wanted was change. This wasn’t change at all. In fact, it’s not all that shitty. It’s not even bad. That’s what makes it so stupid. It’s not even bad, it’s not good; it’s uncannily mediocre. I hate it.
I knew I’d be walking in the mall seeing one out of 5 people with probably the same hairstyle. How unique.
I tried to ask the stylist to fix it, to make the layers chunky; to make me look different. He said I’d have to wait because chopping off more that night would’ve meant an even worse result both for my hair and for my stupid facial expression.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe this looks good on me. As of last night, I didn’t care. This wasn’t what I wanted.
I feel awful. For the most part, because of the repeated mistake. Still haven’t learned your lesson, cey…Next time, know what you want first, before you do something. Don’t just let someone else do it for you, and expect that it’s going to be good at the first try. Say what you really, really want. That way, even when you don’t end up with something good, you’ll at least wallow in the thought that you got what you wanted. Next time, ok cey? Fine. Learn from this, and then move one. Quit whining, it’s irritating. Oh, and one more thing, when you whine, please don't ruin anyone else's time but yours? Thanks.
Fine. Noted.
P.s.
Deep down I’m hoping this turns out like the pair of jeans ate bought for me 12 years ago. I hated it the first time I tried it on. Only to turn out wearing them every chance I got, and loving every moment of it. I don’t know how exactly that happened. Morgan Freeman’s words come to mind—since when did people know what they wanted?
This is what I get for not clearly stating what I want. Thing is, I’m the type of person to say what I want. Sometimes however, I don’t get to, because it’s either what I want still isn’t too clear for me, or I’d like to get a bit of a surprise.
Last night I was surprised all right. Surprised to see almost the same unbelievably plain hairstyle I went with 45 minutes ago. I entered and left the salon the same person, P500 poorer though.
It’s a stupid haircut, deal with it. The hair’s been chopped off, there’s nothing you could do with it. Better than spilled milk, I guess, because hair grows back up; milk doesn’t.
Still I feel awful. When I went home, I kept on coming back to the mirror to check. Probably in the hopes that at some angle, or under a different lighting condition it would look better. It didn’t.
Now I woke up, still hoping that it’s gotten better in 7 hours. It hasn’t.
Stupid, stupid haircut. This is what you get for not spelling out what you want.
The worst part is that I had no one else to blame but myself. Felt bad for the stylist though. Because I knew he read my mind. It’s quite easy to do that when you’re faced with someone who’s undeniably transparent expressions can’t hide anything, even when tried so hard. Felt bad for my friends who went with me that night because they had to hear me rant. Awful display of dramatics on a wonderful Friday night. I probably should’ve kept my (#(@*$) feelings to myself. Then, they wouldn’t have felt bad, because they too wanted me to get the haircut. Maybe they felt they had something to do with this stupid incident. They didn’t. It was unfair to them. It was all a product of MY bad briefing to the stylist; MY inability to describe what I really really wanted; MY carelessness not to check from time to time…knowing that this has already happened before.
(The thing is, when I take off my eyeglasses, I practically see nothing on the mirror but a blob of brown with something black on top. That would have otherwise been my face and my hair being cut off in the process, to someone with clear vision)
Stupid, stupid way to burn money. Ok. Fine. This haircut would’ve been perfectly ok—if I paid 1/3 the price. I could’ve done something similar to this with a pair of scissors.
Stupid, stupid me. This has happened before. The reason why I haven’t gone to a salon in 3 years is because I always end up with a haircut so far from what I want. The reason why I’ve started to learn how to cut my own hair. (which yes, sometimes looks like I’ve gotten gum stucked to my hair the other night; but still I did it for free. And for me, it was what the look that I wanted)
Honestly, I didn’t have a clear picture in my head of what it is I wanted. I had them in broad strokes, probably. Ultimately, what I wanted was change. This wasn’t change at all. In fact, it’s not all that shitty. It’s not even bad. That’s what makes it so stupid. It’s not even bad, it’s not good; it’s uncannily mediocre. I hate it.
I knew I’d be walking in the mall seeing one out of 5 people with probably the same hairstyle. How unique.
I tried to ask the stylist to fix it, to make the layers chunky; to make me look different. He said I’d have to wait because chopping off more that night would’ve meant an even worse result both for my hair and for my stupid facial expression.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe this looks good on me. As of last night, I didn’t care. This wasn’t what I wanted.
I feel awful. For the most part, because of the repeated mistake. Still haven’t learned your lesson, cey…Next time, know what you want first, before you do something. Don’t just let someone else do it for you, and expect that it’s going to be good at the first try. Say what you really, really want. That way, even when you don’t end up with something good, you’ll at least wallow in the thought that you got what you wanted. Next time, ok cey? Fine. Learn from this, and then move one. Quit whining, it’s irritating. Oh, and one more thing, when you whine, please don't ruin anyone else's time but yours? Thanks.
Fine. Noted.
P.s.
Deep down I’m hoping this turns out like the pair of jeans ate bought for me 12 years ago. I hated it the first time I tried it on. Only to turn out wearing them every chance I got, and loving every moment of it. I don’t know how exactly that happened. Morgan Freeman’s words come to mind—since when did people know what they wanted?
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Eraserheads nga naman
Ilang taon nang lumipas. They still haven't lost their magic. Mag-aalas tres na't nasa opisina pa din kami. May tinatapos na trabaho. OT ika nga...Pero tumutugtog ang Eheads. Haneeep. Gising na gising pa rin ako. Kani-kanina lang sinisipon pa ko, kinakabahan na manghina. Bawal magkasakit sa mga panahong 'to. Pero ang sarap, sarap, sarap lang uli makarinig sa boses ni Ely, tugtugan nila Raymund, Markus at Buddy. Akala ko college, high school, grade school ako uli!! Blast from the past. Haneeeep.
Wala na ata akong ibang bandang minahal pa. Pero bwiset, bat kailangang magkahiwa-hiwalay pa sila. Kailangan bang isabuhay nila ang kasabihang, all good things must come to an end. bullshyeth. Kung may magic lamp lang ako ngayon sa tabi ko, iwiwish kong sana ibalik ng genie ang dating tuwa, saya, at kakaibang musika ng tunay at nag-iisang Eheads. Yun, plus 1million more wishes. Syempre madami pa kong gustong hilingin.
Fine, world peace malamang isa dun. Atsaka sana masaya forever and ever ang lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. Okay. Lahat na sa mundo.
At isa pa, sana manalo kami sa 6/45 at 6/49 mega lotto.
Wooooo-hooo!!!
Wala na ata akong ibang bandang minahal pa. Pero bwiset, bat kailangang magkahiwa-hiwalay pa sila. Kailangan bang isabuhay nila ang kasabihang, all good things must come to an end. bullshyeth. Kung may magic lamp lang ako ngayon sa tabi ko, iwiwish kong sana ibalik ng genie ang dating tuwa, saya, at kakaibang musika ng tunay at nag-iisang Eheads. Yun, plus 1million more wishes. Syempre madami pa kong gustong hilingin.
Fine, world peace malamang isa dun. Atsaka sana masaya forever and ever ang lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. Okay. Lahat na sa mundo.
At isa pa, sana manalo kami sa 6/45 at 6/49 mega lotto.
Wooooo-hooo!!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
On love and shoes
Yesterday I fell in love.
I had nothing specific in mind as we walked around the mall. I just knew it was time to buy my Christmas gift. Any style would’ve worked, assuming of course they had my size. But after a few stores and a number of running shoes I’ve seen, my eyes were fixed on a pair that casually called to me to come try and fit it.
I just knew I wasn’t going for anything white—because white shoes, are hard to clean. So I was drawn to those made mostly of dark tones. There it was, in between two other pairs…running shoes which would have been otherwise so ordinary. But no, I already had a Nike on my right foot which seemed to fit me just well, (plus it was undeniably on the budget) but these black/blue shoes just seemed to feel right. I hadn’t even tried them on, but they absobluminutely felt right for me. We were meant for each other, I just knew it.
Regi said so too. I actually pointed them out casually, but he was the one who excitedly said, “Yan, oo yan, mas okay!”
So I asked the salesman to get me those shoes in…eherm…size 9. Too bad the largest size they had was 7.
But this time, I already knew what I wanted. In my head, I already had a picture of the perfect running shoes. This would make for a great Christmas gift! I never thought running shoes hunting could become so exciting.
We went back to the Adidas store, they didn’t have that style. To Toby’s…they didn’t have it either. To Sports Central…but the salesman just gave me a surprised look when I asked for the style in size…9.
“Ma’am, UK size ba ‘yan o US? “
“A, e, US, size 9. Alam kong size 9, kasi may sinukat na kong size 9, pero ibang style yun e.”
After a few minutes, he hands me over the shoes and says, “Ma’am, pasensya ka na ha (nagulat ako) kasi ngayon lang ako nakarinig sa babae ng…size 9. Ang laki pala ng paa nyo.”
Ok lang, sanay na ko. Maliit lang ako, pero sadyang malaki ang paa ko. Wala namang ibig sabihin ‘yun pag babae ka diba?
Still, the largest size they had was 8 1/2. Aaarrrrgggghhhh….
He tried to make me compromise. Maybe it’ll expand, then it’s going to fit me perfectly! Or maybe I could try the other styles. They’ll probably feel just as good. Pero ang sabi ko lang sa kanya, “Hindi e…(eto seryoso, sinabi ko talaga to drive home the point) Alam mo ‘yun…napatibok na nya yung puso ko? Iba e.”
Na-gets na nya. Tinuro pa nga kung saan kami baka makakita ng same style pero may size ko.
On to more stores. We searched bldg.A then bldg B for other stores which carried Adidas. Minsan pa nga pinilit kong magtingin sa Reebok, sa Fila, sa Nike, baka sakaling may humigit sa kanya…pero wala. Wala talaga. There was only one specific style I had in mind: Adidas Tremor, size 9.
Pero wala talaga.
So I went home, brokenhearted. Naawa na nga si Regi sakin e. Buti pa sya, isang tingin lang sa mga nakadisplay na basketball shoes, alam nya kagad yung gusto nya. Kuha ng size. Sukat. Solb. Nabili namin kagad yung Christmas gift nya.
(Kundi lang ako makulit na nagsabing magtingin muna sa ibang tindahan baka mas mababa ang presyo dun, bibilhin na nya kagad. Pero matapos mag-ikot, dun din kami sa unang store bumagsak. Ang galing e.)
Hemingways…
Today, I came to the office itching for lunch time. Today, I will find you.
Pag patak ng alas dose, takbo kagad ng Gbelt. Wala sa Adidas. Sa Landmark, andun…pero walang size. Direcho ng isa pang Adidas sa Glorietta 3…wala na naman!!! Sa Cinderella, meron ding style…pero 8 1/2 ang biggest! Sumpa ba ang 9 na paa?! Ano ‘to, parang roller coaster ng emosyon. Sasaya, aasa, pero madidisappoint dahil wala pala. Walaaaaa!!
Aaarrrggghhhhh! Why God? Alam kong OA, pero type ko na talaga sya, bakit di pwede? Bakit nyo pa pinakita sakin kundi rin naman pala pwedeng makuha ko sya? Ang saklap.
I was supposed to go back to the office already, but there was one other choice…SM Makati.
Pero teka, malayo…at saka, may oras pa ba? Kaya pa, lunch time pa din…Skip na muna sa chibog. I had to know I did everything I can, given the time I had, to search for those perfect shoes. Ewan, basta may nagging feeling na kailangan kong subukan pa rin sa SM. Yun na lang. Last na. Kung wala doon, wala na talaga. Magmumukmok na lang ako.
Malay mo, someday, I’ll find the perfect pair, tapos sale pa. Or, hindi ko na lang hahanapin. Basta, pag namasyal na lang ako, bahala na, pag may makita pang ibang running shoes. Basta, di na ko maghahanap, I’ll just wait for the perfect shoe to come along. Tutal, I started off with no expectations when I started this search. Might as well abandon all hope and start anew.
Pero nasa glorietta na ko e…kaya sige. Fight!
Pagdating ko nang SM, parang kumakaway-kaway pa sya sakin. Yooo-hooo!! Andito lang ako.
“Miss! Meron kayo nun, size 9?”
Tingin ang miss sa notebook ng inbentaryo.
Suspense. Over. Parang slow-mo habang binubuksan nya yung notebook tapos dahan-dahang hinahanap yung style ng sapatos…at kung may size 9 nga ba…
“Ah, meron.”
One of the sweetest words I’ve heard this year (kakasimula pa lang ng taon e)
Isa pa nga…”MERON.”
At eto pa…iisa na lang.
Sinukat ko. Sakto. Ang ganda nya. Ang ganda nya talaga. At ang sarap lang ng pakiramdam nang magkita pa kami nang halos di na ko umaasang makakamtan ko pa sya.
It was a match made in SM.
Ngayon, parang nahuhuli ko lang ang sarili kong napapatingin sa kanya. Minsan, totoo, di pa rin ako makapaniwala halos na sa dinami-dami ng pinuntahan ko’t, nag-akala na kong mapupurnada na ang pagkuha ko sa kanya, e kami din pala ang magkakatuluyan. Totoo pala, kung kayo talaga, kayo.
I had nothing specific in mind as we walked around the mall. I just knew it was time to buy my Christmas gift. Any style would’ve worked, assuming of course they had my size. But after a few stores and a number of running shoes I’ve seen, my eyes were fixed on a pair that casually called to me to come try and fit it.
I just knew I wasn’t going for anything white—because white shoes, are hard to clean. So I was drawn to those made mostly of dark tones. There it was, in between two other pairs…running shoes which would have been otherwise so ordinary. But no, I already had a Nike on my right foot which seemed to fit me just well, (plus it was undeniably on the budget) but these black/blue shoes just seemed to feel right. I hadn’t even tried them on, but they absobluminutely felt right for me. We were meant for each other, I just knew it.
Regi said so too. I actually pointed them out casually, but he was the one who excitedly said, “Yan, oo yan, mas okay!”
So I asked the salesman to get me those shoes in…eherm…size 9. Too bad the largest size they had was 7.
But this time, I already knew what I wanted. In my head, I already had a picture of the perfect running shoes. This would make for a great Christmas gift! I never thought running shoes hunting could become so exciting.
We went back to the Adidas store, they didn’t have that style. To Toby’s…they didn’t have it either. To Sports Central…but the salesman just gave me a surprised look when I asked for the style in size…9.
“Ma’am, UK size ba ‘yan o US? “
“A, e, US, size 9. Alam kong size 9, kasi may sinukat na kong size 9, pero ibang style yun e.”
After a few minutes, he hands me over the shoes and says, “Ma’am, pasensya ka na ha (nagulat ako) kasi ngayon lang ako nakarinig sa babae ng…size 9. Ang laki pala ng paa nyo.”
Ok lang, sanay na ko. Maliit lang ako, pero sadyang malaki ang paa ko. Wala namang ibig sabihin ‘yun pag babae ka diba?
Still, the largest size they had was 8 1/2. Aaarrrrgggghhhh….
He tried to make me compromise. Maybe it’ll expand, then it’s going to fit me perfectly! Or maybe I could try the other styles. They’ll probably feel just as good. Pero ang sabi ko lang sa kanya, “Hindi e…(eto seryoso, sinabi ko talaga to drive home the point) Alam mo ‘yun…napatibok na nya yung puso ko? Iba e.”
Na-gets na nya. Tinuro pa nga kung saan kami baka makakita ng same style pero may size ko.
On to more stores. We searched bldg.A then bldg B for other stores which carried Adidas. Minsan pa nga pinilit kong magtingin sa Reebok, sa Fila, sa Nike, baka sakaling may humigit sa kanya…pero wala. Wala talaga. There was only one specific style I had in mind: Adidas Tremor, size 9.
Pero wala talaga.
So I went home, brokenhearted. Naawa na nga si Regi sakin e. Buti pa sya, isang tingin lang sa mga nakadisplay na basketball shoes, alam nya kagad yung gusto nya. Kuha ng size. Sukat. Solb. Nabili namin kagad yung Christmas gift nya.
(Kundi lang ako makulit na nagsabing magtingin muna sa ibang tindahan baka mas mababa ang presyo dun, bibilhin na nya kagad. Pero matapos mag-ikot, dun din kami sa unang store bumagsak. Ang galing e.)
Hemingways…
Today, I came to the office itching for lunch time. Today, I will find you.
Pag patak ng alas dose, takbo kagad ng Gbelt. Wala sa Adidas. Sa Landmark, andun…pero walang size. Direcho ng isa pang Adidas sa Glorietta 3…wala na naman!!! Sa Cinderella, meron ding style…pero 8 1/2 ang biggest! Sumpa ba ang 9 na paa?! Ano ‘to, parang roller coaster ng emosyon. Sasaya, aasa, pero madidisappoint dahil wala pala. Walaaaaa!!
Aaarrrggghhhhh! Why God? Alam kong OA, pero type ko na talaga sya, bakit di pwede? Bakit nyo pa pinakita sakin kundi rin naman pala pwedeng makuha ko sya? Ang saklap.
I was supposed to go back to the office already, but there was one other choice…SM Makati.
Pero teka, malayo…at saka, may oras pa ba? Kaya pa, lunch time pa din…Skip na muna sa chibog. I had to know I did everything I can, given the time I had, to search for those perfect shoes. Ewan, basta may nagging feeling na kailangan kong subukan pa rin sa SM. Yun na lang. Last na. Kung wala doon, wala na talaga. Magmumukmok na lang ako.
Malay mo, someday, I’ll find the perfect pair, tapos sale pa. Or, hindi ko na lang hahanapin. Basta, pag namasyal na lang ako, bahala na, pag may makita pang ibang running shoes. Basta, di na ko maghahanap, I’ll just wait for the perfect shoe to come along. Tutal, I started off with no expectations when I started this search. Might as well abandon all hope and start anew.
Pero nasa glorietta na ko e…kaya sige. Fight!
Pagdating ko nang SM, parang kumakaway-kaway pa sya sakin. Yooo-hooo!! Andito lang ako.
“Miss! Meron kayo nun, size 9?”
Tingin ang miss sa notebook ng inbentaryo.
Suspense. Over. Parang slow-mo habang binubuksan nya yung notebook tapos dahan-dahang hinahanap yung style ng sapatos…at kung may size 9 nga ba…
“Ah, meron.”
One of the sweetest words I’ve heard this year (kakasimula pa lang ng taon e)
Isa pa nga…”MERON.”
At eto pa…iisa na lang.
Sinukat ko. Sakto. Ang ganda nya. Ang ganda nya talaga. At ang sarap lang ng pakiramdam nang magkita pa kami nang halos di na ko umaasang makakamtan ko pa sya.
It was a match made in SM.
Ngayon, parang nahuhuli ko lang ang sarili kong napapatingin sa kanya. Minsan, totoo, di pa rin ako makapaniwala halos na sa dinami-dami ng pinuntahan ko’t, nag-akala na kong mapupurnada na ang pagkuha ko sa kanya, e kami din pala ang magkakatuluyan. Totoo pala, kung kayo talaga, kayo.
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