1. Friday! Yey!
2. Asparagus
3. Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar
4. Simpsons
5. Siblings
6. Nephews & Nieces
7. comfy slippers
8. un-sticky weather
9. Sacred Space!
10. Justin Timberlake
11. Cassava Cookies
12. Binondo
13. Dress Fittings at 1am
14. Awakenings
15. Friends who stay
16. Friends who walk away
17. But care for you from afar.
18. Flowers
19. Free Parking
20. Energy for the weekend and more
21. Mommy, Daddy, Ate Yolly
21. Regi
22. Batcave
23. Dates with myself
24. The smell of new books
25. Children's section at Powerbooks
26. Pumpkin soup
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 06, 2010
RIP Kitty
Today I killed a cat.
I wished it meant something different. I wished it was just some figurative expression for killing something, basta something that wasn't really a living thing. But the truth is, i did kill a cat. Well, it was, a kitten.
To make the crime more heinous, it was probably a week-old calico kitten. Saw it this morning with its mom and brother/sister kitten. Before I backed out of the driveway, we (my mom, Ate Dang and I) shooed them away from the car. But for some weird reason, the precarious third member of the entourage managed to run back to my front wheel just as I backed out. I saw the horror in my mom's face. I felt so bad. So indescribably bad.
As with a lot of things that happen; well, as with a lot of things that solicit more than the usual emotions for me, I turn to Him, usually with a whining question of "Why?!"
Exactly, Why did that have to happen to an innocent little kitten. Would've felt less remorse if I ran over the toes of a corrupt government official. Perhaps, that would bring an altogether positive reaction from me.
Anyway, it just felt so...unnecessary. Why have a supposedly nice morning ruined by a killing? Then thoughts about me feeling bad about this kitten, and rationalizing thoughts of me having spared the poor cat a future of hardship, of toiling through garbage in search for food. Yeah right. And at that moment, I felt life shifting beliefs. I wondered if reincarnation was real. No, I wished, reincarnation was/ is true. That the cat was suddenly reincarnated into another, happier version of itself. That it was somewhere being born to richer cat parents. That it will live a life of comfort. That its death would somehow be for its own good.
But remorse was a nagging b*tch. Not just for the poor kitty, but for the fact that it died for nothing; and by my own doing. Then I wondered, do people who kill other people feel the same thing? Or do they also numb the pain by rationalizing the act with the thought that 'it was for their own good'? Then thoughts about political killings crossed my mind. The senselessness of it all. The remorse we feel for poor kittens and hungry puppies, and the numbness we feel at the poverty and hunger of humans. How normal they've become, that seeing them no longer elicits remorse or thoughts and wishes of making things better.
I digress. But those thoughts did come to me as I traversed Makati Ave; even when I tried to drown them in 98.7 wind music. I tried to put them to a halt with a thought that it's all in the past and it's time to move on. That the day has to go on. And I switched to another channel--one where I saw the kitty happily playing in heaven. Then I said a little prayer for him/her.
And I prayed that something happier, way happier event would neutralize this morning remorse.
Things to be grateful for today:
Okay, this is kinda hard.
1. No more sipon.
2. One more day 'til Saturday
3. Paid insurance bill
4. Ok Cey, put some more effort...endorphins
5. Fitflops
6. No morning bumper to bumper traffic
7. Sky, Marty & Bea
8. Happy, healthy family
9. Blue skies
10. Book's about to be available at National (that's more like it)
11. water.
12. Energy to wake up and get off the bed
I wished it meant something different. I wished it was just some figurative expression for killing something, basta something that wasn't really a living thing. But the truth is, i did kill a cat. Well, it was, a kitten.
To make the crime more heinous, it was probably a week-old calico kitten. Saw it this morning with its mom and brother/sister kitten. Before I backed out of the driveway, we (my mom, Ate Dang and I) shooed them away from the car. But for some weird reason, the precarious third member of the entourage managed to run back to my front wheel just as I backed out. I saw the horror in my mom's face. I felt so bad. So indescribably bad.
As with a lot of things that happen; well, as with a lot of things that solicit more than the usual emotions for me, I turn to Him, usually with a whining question of "Why?!"
Exactly, Why did that have to happen to an innocent little kitten. Would've felt less remorse if I ran over the toes of a corrupt government official. Perhaps, that would bring an altogether positive reaction from me.
Anyway, it just felt so...unnecessary. Why have a supposedly nice morning ruined by a killing? Then thoughts about me feeling bad about this kitten, and rationalizing thoughts of me having spared the poor cat a future of hardship, of toiling through garbage in search for food. Yeah right. And at that moment, I felt life shifting beliefs. I wondered if reincarnation was real. No, I wished, reincarnation was/ is true. That the cat was suddenly reincarnated into another, happier version of itself. That it was somewhere being born to richer cat parents. That it will live a life of comfort. That its death would somehow be for its own good.
But remorse was a nagging b*tch. Not just for the poor kitty, but for the fact that it died for nothing; and by my own doing. Then I wondered, do people who kill other people feel the same thing? Or do they also numb the pain by rationalizing the act with the thought that 'it was for their own good'? Then thoughts about political killings crossed my mind. The senselessness of it all. The remorse we feel for poor kittens and hungry puppies, and the numbness we feel at the poverty and hunger of humans. How normal they've become, that seeing them no longer elicits remorse or thoughts and wishes of making things better.
I digress. But those thoughts did come to me as I traversed Makati Ave; even when I tried to drown them in 98.7 wind music. I tried to put them to a halt with a thought that it's all in the past and it's time to move on. That the day has to go on. And I switched to another channel--one where I saw the kitty happily playing in heaven. Then I said a little prayer for him/her.
And I prayed that something happier, way happier event would neutralize this morning remorse.
Things to be grateful for today:
Okay, this is kinda hard.
1. No more sipon.
2. One more day 'til Saturday
3. Paid insurance bill
4. Ok Cey, put some more effort...endorphins
5. Fitflops
6. No morning bumper to bumper traffic
7. Sky, Marty & Bea
8. Happy, healthy family
9. Blue skies
10. Book's about to be available at National (that's more like it)
11. water.
12. Energy to wake up and get off the bed
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