Miracle of miracles. I got home before 6pm. Finally got around to fixing the tons of junk in my humongous office bag, talked with Gela on the phone over what’s supposed to be a teeny issue, but was something irritating enough for me, I had to vent on her (even when I knew how busy she still was; thank God for friends!), had dinner with Chawie at home and talked the night (well not the whole night) away…catching up on what we’ve missed, reminiscin’ about the good ol days, asking each other about work about loves, about anything and everything there was to talk about while we both had this precious time.
Chawie left, and I picked up the phone to call my mom and ask her how her day went. What she was doing...what she was watching...I was talking too much, she had to say goodnight first.
And as I stared at the blank wall where the TV soon will be, I felt tempted to keep it bare. The TV addict in me protests. But even she knows that this night would not have been as productive, real, and wonderfully filled with moments of old-fashioned entertainment and connections had that magical box teeming with cooking shows, movies and cartoons been here.
Sometimes it’s just nice to switch off. Other times, its even way better to not have the choice to look out at the tens of channels that give you vivid pictures of the outdoors and stories that make you fly to faraway places, or just sheer mind-numbing bleh-—because time suddenly expands and embraces everything that has always been so near yet has oft-been deprived of the proper attention. It feels good to know that tonight, because my eyes weren't glued to the screen (TV or computer!) I didn't miss a thing on life's awesome show.
Happy Friday nga naman.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
16 days to go
Panic has a way of making my back ache.
16 days to go and it's easy to get lost in the details and forget the fact that all these time-consuming, mind-boggling, focus shattering preparations are meant for something far more...beautiful, exciting, exhilarating...wonderfully life-changing. There's comfort in the thought that everything will be alright. I've been praying for this day. He knows what's in my heart and knows what's best for me...starting October 2--for me & the man I'm going to be spending forever with.
There's nothing left to do, but enjoy the ride.
16 days to go and it's easy to get lost in the details and forget the fact that all these time-consuming, mind-boggling, focus shattering preparations are meant for something far more...beautiful, exciting, exhilarating...wonderfully life-changing. There's comfort in the thought that everything will be alright. I've been praying for this day. He knows what's in my heart and knows what's best for me...starting October 2--for me & the man I'm going to be spending forever with.
There's nothing left to do, but enjoy the ride.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
sunny-side up
Someday i wish to learn how to cook. More like, I have to learn how to cook, because some of the greatest things in life don't always come ready to be taken in. They have to be chopped to be understood, put on the heat to be tested, and mixed together just so they'll be fun to have, oh, and seasoned to taste.
Seasoned...the way seasons can never truly be measured or commanded with certainty. But the right taste, just happens.
Things I am grateful for today:
1. Night out with Regi
2. Twilight (yes I know I should be too old for those teenybopper stuff, but there's no denying how this mind-numbing entertainment simply is...fun)
3. lovely family
4. saturday!
5. good tatau and wadub
6. honesty
7. tears that stop
8. doors waiting to be opened
9. clarity
10. friends
11. understanding minds
12. surprise babaw kilig moments
13. listerine
14. my baby picture staring at me as i write this
15. the prospect of a good night's sleep
16. the dream where i was driving a red top-down porsche...which wasn't mine, a friend just made me drive it so I could...I dunno, forgot why (but even in my dreams, I knew I had to be practical!)
17. retainers
Seasoned...the way seasons can never truly be measured or commanded with certainty. But the right taste, just happens.
Things I am grateful for today:
1. Night out with Regi
2. Twilight (yes I know I should be too old for those teenybopper stuff, but there's no denying how this mind-numbing entertainment simply is...fun)
3. lovely family
4. saturday!
5. good tatau and wadub
6. honesty
7. tears that stop
8. doors waiting to be opened
9. clarity
10. friends
11. understanding minds
12. surprise babaw kilig moments
13. listerine
14. my baby picture staring at me as i write this
15. the prospect of a good night's sleep
16. the dream where i was driving a red top-down porsche...which wasn't mine, a friend just made me drive it so I could...I dunno, forgot why (but even in my dreams, I knew I had to be practical!)
17. retainers
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wednesday, I'm in love.
with myself! Hah! Narcissistic b**ch. Joke lang. I am in love with people who make my heart thump with joy, and I am in love with the fact that today I am not the whining prick who just can't seem to get enough of life's dramas.
And so, I finished the things that needed to be done, got to go to mass on a cool Wednesday night. And tonight, I'll go home, at peace, and with the comforting knowledge that prayers are always answered.
Things to be thankful for this Wednesday:
1. Tuna surprise--tuna sandwich with chicharon, no joke
2. Cool walk back from the Gbelt Chapel
3. Appreciated work
4. Early time out
5. second hand cool finds
6. The Wonder Team---back home, right here, everywhere, and the knowledge that i'm not alone
7. pears
9. Boh Tea from Robby
10. Cool comfy shoes! Love 'em.
11. Moved deadlines
12. Wedding Preps on-track
13. Loved ones who love back
14. AFC, saved episodes of Chef at Home/ French Cooking at Home/ Cook's Tour in my head.
15. Cheesecake!!
16. The joys of an alternate identity
17. Lovelovelove
Thanks God. Ikaw talaga oo.
And so, I finished the things that needed to be done, got to go to mass on a cool Wednesday night. And tonight, I'll go home, at peace, and with the comforting knowledge that prayers are always answered.
Things to be thankful for this Wednesday:
1. Tuna surprise--tuna sandwich with chicharon, no joke
2. Cool walk back from the Gbelt Chapel
3. Appreciated work
4. Early time out
5. second hand cool finds
6. The Wonder Team---back home, right here, everywhere, and the knowledge that i'm not alone
7. pears
9. Boh Tea from Robby
10. Cool comfy shoes! Love 'em.
11. Moved deadlines
12. Wedding Preps on-track
13. Loved ones who love back
14. AFC, saved episodes of Chef at Home/ French Cooking at Home/ Cook's Tour in my head.
15. Cheesecake!!
16. The joys of an alternate identity
17. Lovelovelove
Thanks God. Ikaw talaga oo.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Saan nagtatago ang happiness
Sorry to borrow the title from a movie.
Pero saan nga ba?
Sa likod ba ng pera? Sa tagumpay?
Sa pagsabi ng ibang tao ng "Wow, ang galing mo naman."
Sa pagtanggap ng taos-pusong 'Thank You.'
Sa pakikinig ng magandang kanta nang di mo inaasahan.
Sa kaalaman na magunaw man ang mundo may isang kamay...dalawa...lima...higit sa sampung kamay na alam mong hinding-hindi ka iiwanan?
Sa kaalaman na matutulog ka sa gabi nang nagawa mo lahat ng kailangan mong gawin, at bukas ganun uli, pero mas masaya.
Sa pagkain ng chocolate cheesecake
at ang pantasya na hinding-hindi ka tataba kahit di ka magpakapagod para i-burn ang linchok na calories na katapat ng bawat subo.
At pagsusulat nang walang pakialam kung mahuhusgahan ka ba o hindi.
Sa masarap na pagkain
Sa kawalan ng iniisip
O kaya sa pagkakaroon ng sangkatutak na kailangang isipin pero alam mong lahat magiging okay sa huli.
Sa libreng parking
Sa picture ng masayahing bata sa harap ng computer mo.
Sa mga drayber na nakakasalubong na kahit gitgitan e pagbibigyan ka ng walang mura o bad finger na kasabay.
Sa mga bulaklak sa Dangwa
Lalo na yung mura kahit mahal na dapat.
Sa mga tunay na kaibigan
Sa mga magulang na walang sawang nakikinig sa mga bagay na malamang walang kwenta na para sa ibang tao, pero buong-puso pa rin nilang pagtitiyagaan
Sa mga bagay na gagawin nila para sa'yo ng walang sumbat.
Sa Ate at Kuya, bayaw at hipag na kahit matanda ka na e tinatrato ka paring baby sa pag-aalaga
Sa mga pamangkin na minamahal ka kahit na masungit ka sa kanila minsan
Sa mga salita, sa mga kamay na marunong mag-type.
Sa mga panahong wala lang, na lalong nagpapatingkad sa mga panahong wow, yeba.
Sa pag-iisa
Sa reklamo--teka, nasan ang happiness dun?
Well, pag nawala ang reklamo, andun ang happiness.
Nuong bata ako, di ko maintay tumanda.
Para makasama ko sa Ate ko at Kuya ko sa Star City ba yun o Boom na Boom.
Di ko akalaing walang carnival ang tatapat sa saya ng pagtatarang nang wala lang dun sa labas ng bahay kasama ng mga kalaro kong walang ibang kailangang isipin kundi ang maabot ang base nang di nahuhuli ng taya.
Tapos madilim na, at kailangan nang umuwi. Maliligo. Makikipag-away ng konti kay Ate Yolly kasi tinatamad ako, pero di dapat matulog ng madumi.
Tapos bukas maglalaro uli.
Basta masaya lang.
Naisip ko lang, nung bata ako, ni minsan ata di ko natanong kung 'San nga ba nagtatago ang happiness.
Kasi hindi 'to nagtago. Hindi kailangang hanapin, kasi andyan lang parati.
O baka hanggang ngayon di naman nagtatago.
Pero parang mas romantic lang ang buhay pag may drama.
Para may rason mag-blog.
Nah.
Minsan tinatanong ko si God, "Kung gusto mong maging masaya lahat ng tao, ba't di mo na lang bigay yung gusto nila?"
Pero ika nga ni Morgan Freeman bilang 'God' sa Bruce Almighty, "Since when did you know what you really wanted?"
onga naman. Hindi ba pwedeng broad strokes lang, like, "God, gusto ko maging masaya forever and ever." Yun yung objective, bahala na po kayo sa execution. But what about free will, He asks. Then I'll say, "Ok lang, kayo na po bahala, mas alam Nyo naman kung anong makakabuti sa'kin diba?"
God: Wala nang excitement
Cey: E, interesado lang naman po ako sa bottomline
God: Edi ako na lang sana nabuhay para sa'yo. Ba't pa kita nilagay sa mundo kung ano din pala gagawa ng mga desisyon.
Cey: Hmm...may point. Pero, ayoko na 'pong magkamali. Malungkot kaya.
God: Ba't naman, natututo ka naman.
Cey: O, which brings me back to my original point, kung bibigay Mo rin lang yung ice cream, ba't kailangan pa ng obstacle course?
Feeling ko naman ganun din ang lasa ng ice cream kahit ilagay mo sa tuktok ng Mt. Everest o kung lagay Nyo na lang sa harap ko, diba?
God: The journey makes the ice cream worth it.
Cey: But I just want the ice cream! Ok, let's quit the metaphors. I just want to be happy! All the time! I want everyone I love, ok fine, let's just make this universal, I want the whole world to be happy. Like we're all on drugs or something. High on pure joy.
God: Kahit walang rason, ganun? Lutang ka lang?
Cey: Oo. Este, opo. Diba mas...ok yun? Parang cartoons. Si Spongebob, masaya parati.
God:...
Cey: Yes...?
God: Ayoko na magsalita. Wala ka namang ibang gagawin kundi kontrahin ako ngayon e.
Cey: ...
God: Pero alam mo naman na, okay, I hate to be cheesy...pero alam mo naman na...you know...
Cey: Na mahal mo ko?
God: Euw, ang cheesy ng dating, basta alam mo na yun.
Cey: Well, oo.
God: Di pa ba enough yun?
Cey: Enough naman. Pero bakit...bakit parang alam mo yun, okay naman dapat lahat, pero di pa din masaya...well, masaya as in a few notches above malungkot, but not happy- happy-yey-may-pasalubong-na-sambos-si-daddy-kagaya-nung-7-years-old-ako-kind-of-happy.
God: 7 years old ka pa ba?
Cey: Hindi na.
God: O e ba't yun pa rin hinahanap mo?
Cey: Ewan, parang mas simple lang dati.
God: Simple pa rin naman ngayon e. Ma-drama ka lang talaga. Diba yung mga hiniling mo naman dati nakuha mo ngayon?
Cey: Well...
God: Hey, give me some credit here.
Cey: O...o...
God: O, e ba't sinasabi mong malungkot ka pa din? Na 'di ko binibigay yung gusto mo. Binibigay ko naman, not in the exact form that you want them to be in, but you know, oh c'mon cey, you know you always get what you want. Kahit iba yung execution, you know that I'm always on-strat. The objective being: to make you...and the people you love happy.
Stop sulking. Umuwi ka na nga. Alam mo, pagod ka lang.
Whatever issues you may have, well, they may still be there tomorrow. But I'm telling you they'll be much smaller when you look at them again tomorrow.
Cey: Sige na nga. Basta God, wag Nyo kong bibigyan ng problema ha? Ok na ko sa sunog, life-changing enough na yun para sakin. Healthy, happy, lahat ng mahal ko sa buhay. Tapos basta, alam Nyo na yun.
God: Uwi ka na kasi.
Cey: Sa'yo?! Wag muna!
God: Pilosopo.
Cey: Joke lang.
God: Masaya ka na? Wag ka na kasi ma-drama.
Basahin mo na lang 'to uli bukas. 'Yang happiness-happiness na hinahanap mong yan, you'll realize that it's staring right back at you.
May katok na ata ako, kinakausap ko yung sarili ko. Masaya lang ilabas.
In the spirit of rationalization, eto na lang ang form of prayer ko for today.
uwi na ko.
Pero saan nga ba?
Sa likod ba ng pera? Sa tagumpay?
Sa pagsabi ng ibang tao ng "Wow, ang galing mo naman."
Sa pagtanggap ng taos-pusong 'Thank You.'
Sa pakikinig ng magandang kanta nang di mo inaasahan.
Sa kaalaman na magunaw man ang mundo may isang kamay...dalawa...lima...higit sa sampung kamay na alam mong hinding-hindi ka iiwanan?
Sa kaalaman na matutulog ka sa gabi nang nagawa mo lahat ng kailangan mong gawin, at bukas ganun uli, pero mas masaya.
Sa pagkain ng chocolate cheesecake
at ang pantasya na hinding-hindi ka tataba kahit di ka magpakapagod para i-burn ang linchok na calories na katapat ng bawat subo.
At pagsusulat nang walang pakialam kung mahuhusgahan ka ba o hindi.
Sa masarap na pagkain
Sa kawalan ng iniisip
O kaya sa pagkakaroon ng sangkatutak na kailangang isipin pero alam mong lahat magiging okay sa huli.
Sa libreng parking
Sa picture ng masayahing bata sa harap ng computer mo.
Sa mga drayber na nakakasalubong na kahit gitgitan e pagbibigyan ka ng walang mura o bad finger na kasabay.
Sa mga bulaklak sa Dangwa
Lalo na yung mura kahit mahal na dapat.
Sa mga tunay na kaibigan
Sa mga magulang na walang sawang nakikinig sa mga bagay na malamang walang kwenta na para sa ibang tao, pero buong-puso pa rin nilang pagtitiyagaan
Sa mga bagay na gagawin nila para sa'yo ng walang sumbat.
Sa Ate at Kuya, bayaw at hipag na kahit matanda ka na e tinatrato ka paring baby sa pag-aalaga
Sa mga pamangkin na minamahal ka kahit na masungit ka sa kanila minsan
Sa mga salita, sa mga kamay na marunong mag-type.
Sa mga panahong wala lang, na lalong nagpapatingkad sa mga panahong wow, yeba.
Sa pag-iisa
Sa reklamo--teka, nasan ang happiness dun?
Well, pag nawala ang reklamo, andun ang happiness.
Nuong bata ako, di ko maintay tumanda.
Para makasama ko sa Ate ko at Kuya ko sa Star City ba yun o Boom na Boom.
Di ko akalaing walang carnival ang tatapat sa saya ng pagtatarang nang wala lang dun sa labas ng bahay kasama ng mga kalaro kong walang ibang kailangang isipin kundi ang maabot ang base nang di nahuhuli ng taya.
Tapos madilim na, at kailangan nang umuwi. Maliligo. Makikipag-away ng konti kay Ate Yolly kasi tinatamad ako, pero di dapat matulog ng madumi.
Tapos bukas maglalaro uli.
Basta masaya lang.
Naisip ko lang, nung bata ako, ni minsan ata di ko natanong kung 'San nga ba nagtatago ang happiness.
Kasi hindi 'to nagtago. Hindi kailangang hanapin, kasi andyan lang parati.
O baka hanggang ngayon di naman nagtatago.
Pero parang mas romantic lang ang buhay pag may drama.
Para may rason mag-blog.
Nah.
Minsan tinatanong ko si God, "Kung gusto mong maging masaya lahat ng tao, ba't di mo na lang bigay yung gusto nila?"
Pero ika nga ni Morgan Freeman bilang 'God' sa Bruce Almighty, "Since when did you know what you really wanted?"
onga naman. Hindi ba pwedeng broad strokes lang, like, "God, gusto ko maging masaya forever and ever." Yun yung objective, bahala na po kayo sa execution. But what about free will, He asks. Then I'll say, "Ok lang, kayo na po bahala, mas alam Nyo naman kung anong makakabuti sa'kin diba?"
God: Wala nang excitement
Cey: E, interesado lang naman po ako sa bottomline
God: Edi ako na lang sana nabuhay para sa'yo. Ba't pa kita nilagay sa mundo kung ano din pala gagawa ng mga desisyon.
Cey: Hmm...may point. Pero, ayoko na 'pong magkamali. Malungkot kaya.
God: Ba't naman, natututo ka naman.
Cey: O, which brings me back to my original point, kung bibigay Mo rin lang yung ice cream, ba't kailangan pa ng obstacle course?
Feeling ko naman ganun din ang lasa ng ice cream kahit ilagay mo sa tuktok ng Mt. Everest o kung lagay Nyo na lang sa harap ko, diba?
God: The journey makes the ice cream worth it.
Cey: But I just want the ice cream! Ok, let's quit the metaphors. I just want to be happy! All the time! I want everyone I love, ok fine, let's just make this universal, I want the whole world to be happy. Like we're all on drugs or something. High on pure joy.
God: Kahit walang rason, ganun? Lutang ka lang?
Cey: Oo. Este, opo. Diba mas...ok yun? Parang cartoons. Si Spongebob, masaya parati.
God:...
Cey: Yes...?
God: Ayoko na magsalita. Wala ka namang ibang gagawin kundi kontrahin ako ngayon e.
Cey: ...
God: Pero alam mo naman na, okay, I hate to be cheesy...pero alam mo naman na...you know...
Cey: Na mahal mo ko?
God: Euw, ang cheesy ng dating, basta alam mo na yun.
Cey: Well, oo.
God: Di pa ba enough yun?
Cey: Enough naman. Pero bakit...bakit parang alam mo yun, okay naman dapat lahat, pero di pa din masaya...well, masaya as in a few notches above malungkot, but not happy- happy-yey-may-pasalubong-na-sambos-si-daddy-kagaya-nung-7-years-old-ako-kind-of-happy.
God: 7 years old ka pa ba?
Cey: Hindi na.
God: O e ba't yun pa rin hinahanap mo?
Cey: Ewan, parang mas simple lang dati.
God: Simple pa rin naman ngayon e. Ma-drama ka lang talaga. Diba yung mga hiniling mo naman dati nakuha mo ngayon?
Cey: Well...
God: Hey, give me some credit here.
Cey: O...o...
God: O, e ba't sinasabi mong malungkot ka pa din? Na 'di ko binibigay yung gusto mo. Binibigay ko naman, not in the exact form that you want them to be in, but you know, oh c'mon cey, you know you always get what you want. Kahit iba yung execution, you know that I'm always on-strat. The objective being: to make you...and the people you love happy.
Stop sulking. Umuwi ka na nga. Alam mo, pagod ka lang.
Whatever issues you may have, well, they may still be there tomorrow. But I'm telling you they'll be much smaller when you look at them again tomorrow.
Cey: Sige na nga. Basta God, wag Nyo kong bibigyan ng problema ha? Ok na ko sa sunog, life-changing enough na yun para sakin. Healthy, happy, lahat ng mahal ko sa buhay. Tapos basta, alam Nyo na yun.
God: Uwi ka na kasi.
Cey: Sa'yo?! Wag muna!
God: Pilosopo.
Cey: Joke lang.
God: Masaya ka na? Wag ka na kasi ma-drama.
Basahin mo na lang 'to uli bukas. 'Yang happiness-happiness na hinahanap mong yan, you'll realize that it's staring right back at you.
May katok na ata ako, kinakausap ko yung sarili ko. Masaya lang ilabas.
In the spirit of rationalization, eto na lang ang form of prayer ko for today.
uwi na ko.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Things I am grateful for on a Monday
1. Latin Dance with Regi
2. Endorphins!
3. Big Bang Theory
4. Dates with Mommy & Daddy
5. Warm clam chowder
6. That tiny corner at the children's section of Powerbooks
7. No more 'Please don't sit here' sign at that tiny corner at the children's section of Powerbooks.
8. Dates with myself
9. Impromptu date with Regi
10. Morning messages from Kathy San Blas
11. Working aircon
12. Kind cars
13. Drivers who give way
14. Cool Monday morning
15. Love
16. Less than 4 months 'til forever :)
17. The power of thank you.
God, as always, please take my hand today.
2. Endorphins!
3. Big Bang Theory
4. Dates with Mommy & Daddy
5. Warm clam chowder
6. That tiny corner at the children's section of Powerbooks
7. No more 'Please don't sit here' sign at that tiny corner at the children's section of Powerbooks.
8. Dates with myself
9. Impromptu date with Regi
10. Morning messages from Kathy San Blas
11. Working aircon
12. Kind cars
13. Drivers who give way
14. Cool Monday morning
15. Love
16. Less than 4 months 'til forever :)
17. The power of thank you.
God, as always, please take my hand today.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
What's up doc?
If a bunny rabbit came by and asked me this question. I'd be...first I'd wonder if water can get you drunk. Then I'd be dumbfounded. Not by the talking bunny. But by the question.
I honestly don't know. I'm not sure about what's up. But I'm pretty sure, somebody's feeling down.
Still Seneca's words come to mind, "Humans love to touch the wounds that hurt." or something like that. I don't even think a warm chocolate chip cookie would do the trick. A big hug, maybe. Maybe.
I honestly don't know. I'm not sure about what's up. But I'm pretty sure, somebody's feeling down.
Still Seneca's words come to mind, "Humans love to touch the wounds that hurt." or something like that. I don't even think a warm chocolate chip cookie would do the trick. A big hug, maybe. Maybe.
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Asim Chronicles
Perhaps one of the reasons why I'm praying that God give me more time on earth is because I don't want to face St. Peter and give him a pathetic answer to the question: So Cey, what have you done with your life?
I might not be able to give a fully accurate answer. But it would go a little something like this.
(pardon the asim...)
Cey: Uhm...well...I made ads.
St. Peter: Yun lang?
Cey: E, pa'no pa po, I had to sleep at some point.
St. Peter: Oh, ano pa, siguro naman may iba ka pang nagawa.
Cey: (mentions some good things she remembers)
St. Peter: Teka, teka, ma-balik tayo sa una mong sinabi. You made ads?
Cey: Opo.
St. Peter: You spent ___% of your adult life making ads, ni hindi ka man nagka-7+, wala kang international award, ni local award wala ka...my gulay how do you expect me to let you in here?!
Cey: Ang harsh mo naman. Este. Po. Harsh nyo po.
St. Peter: Hello, diba sabi ni St. Augustine, "Whatever you do, do it well, and you have praised God." Judging by the figures, I don't think you did such a great job.
Cey: Ay, grabe, harsh.
St. Peter: Duh. So, pa'no na?
Tapos sana magising na ko.
Hay.
Okay, tama na break. Back to work. Yipeedoodledoo.
And then a part of me says, "Be grateful may trabaho ka."
Hay sorry God, I am thankful for having a job. But, I just had to vent :c
And to end on a positive note. (Parang atsara, may asim pero may humahabol na tamis.)
God...I'm not sure exactly what to ask for, but you know what I need. And you know what's in my heart. Oh, and thank you for the resistensya builders. And for family, and friends. And love.
Yup...there are more things in life other than deadlines.
I might not be able to give a fully accurate answer. But it would go a little something like this.
(pardon the asim...)
Cey: Uhm...well...I made ads.
St. Peter: Yun lang?
Cey: E, pa'no pa po, I had to sleep at some point.
St. Peter: Oh, ano pa, siguro naman may iba ka pang nagawa.
Cey: (mentions some good things she remembers)
St. Peter: Teka, teka, ma-balik tayo sa una mong sinabi. You made ads?
Cey: Opo.
St. Peter: You spent ___% of your adult life making ads, ni hindi ka man nagka-7+, wala kang international award, ni local award wala ka...my gulay how do you expect me to let you in here?!
Cey: Ang harsh mo naman. Este. Po. Harsh nyo po.
St. Peter: Hello, diba sabi ni St. Augustine, "Whatever you do, do it well, and you have praised God." Judging by the figures, I don't think you did such a great job.
Cey: Ay, grabe, harsh.
St. Peter: Duh. So, pa'no na?
Tapos sana magising na ko.
Hay.
Okay, tama na break. Back to work. Yipeedoodledoo.
And then a part of me says, "Be grateful may trabaho ka."
Hay sorry God, I am thankful for having a job. But, I just had to vent :c
And to end on a positive note. (Parang atsara, may asim pero may humahabol na tamis.)
God...I'm not sure exactly what to ask for, but you know what I need. And you know what's in my heart. Oh, and thank you for the resistensya builders. And for family, and friends. And love.
Yup...there are more things in life other than deadlines.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Things I am grateful for today
1. Friday! Yey!
2. Asparagus
3. Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar
4. Simpsons
5. Siblings
6. Nephews & Nieces
7. comfy slippers
8. un-sticky weather
9. Sacred Space!
10. Justin Timberlake
11. Cassava Cookies
12. Binondo
13. Dress Fittings at 1am
14. Awakenings
15. Friends who stay
16. Friends who walk away
17. But care for you from afar.
18. Flowers
19. Free Parking
20. Energy for the weekend and more
21. Mommy, Daddy, Ate Yolly
21. Regi
22. Batcave
23. Dates with myself
24. The smell of new books
25. Children's section at Powerbooks
26. Pumpkin soup
2. Asparagus
3. Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar
4. Simpsons
5. Siblings
6. Nephews & Nieces
7. comfy slippers
8. un-sticky weather
9. Sacred Space!
10. Justin Timberlake
11. Cassava Cookies
12. Binondo
13. Dress Fittings at 1am
14. Awakenings
15. Friends who stay
16. Friends who walk away
17. But care for you from afar.
18. Flowers
19. Free Parking
20. Energy for the weekend and more
21. Mommy, Daddy, Ate Yolly
21. Regi
22. Batcave
23. Dates with myself
24. The smell of new books
25. Children's section at Powerbooks
26. Pumpkin soup
Thursday, May 06, 2010
RIP Kitty
Today I killed a cat.
I wished it meant something different. I wished it was just some figurative expression for killing something, basta something that wasn't really a living thing. But the truth is, i did kill a cat. Well, it was, a kitten.
To make the crime more heinous, it was probably a week-old calico kitten. Saw it this morning with its mom and brother/sister kitten. Before I backed out of the driveway, we (my mom, Ate Dang and I) shooed them away from the car. But for some weird reason, the precarious third member of the entourage managed to run back to my front wheel just as I backed out. I saw the horror in my mom's face. I felt so bad. So indescribably bad.
As with a lot of things that happen; well, as with a lot of things that solicit more than the usual emotions for me, I turn to Him, usually with a whining question of "Why?!"
Exactly, Why did that have to happen to an innocent little kitten. Would've felt less remorse if I ran over the toes of a corrupt government official. Perhaps, that would bring an altogether positive reaction from me.
Anyway, it just felt so...unnecessary. Why have a supposedly nice morning ruined by a killing? Then thoughts about me feeling bad about this kitten, and rationalizing thoughts of me having spared the poor cat a future of hardship, of toiling through garbage in search for food. Yeah right. And at that moment, I felt life shifting beliefs. I wondered if reincarnation was real. No, I wished, reincarnation was/ is true. That the cat was suddenly reincarnated into another, happier version of itself. That it was somewhere being born to richer cat parents. That it will live a life of comfort. That its death would somehow be for its own good.
But remorse was a nagging b*tch. Not just for the poor kitty, but for the fact that it died for nothing; and by my own doing. Then I wondered, do people who kill other people feel the same thing? Or do they also numb the pain by rationalizing the act with the thought that 'it was for their own good'? Then thoughts about political killings crossed my mind. The senselessness of it all. The remorse we feel for poor kittens and hungry puppies, and the numbness we feel at the poverty and hunger of humans. How normal they've become, that seeing them no longer elicits remorse or thoughts and wishes of making things better.
I digress. But those thoughts did come to me as I traversed Makati Ave; even when I tried to drown them in 98.7 wind music. I tried to put them to a halt with a thought that it's all in the past and it's time to move on. That the day has to go on. And I switched to another channel--one where I saw the kitty happily playing in heaven. Then I said a little prayer for him/her.
And I prayed that something happier, way happier event would neutralize this morning remorse.
Things to be grateful for today:
Okay, this is kinda hard.
1. No more sipon.
2. One more day 'til Saturday
3. Paid insurance bill
4. Ok Cey, put some more effort...endorphins
5. Fitflops
6. No morning bumper to bumper traffic
7. Sky, Marty & Bea
8. Happy, healthy family
9. Blue skies
10. Book's about to be available at National (that's more like it)
11. water.
12. Energy to wake up and get off the bed
I wished it meant something different. I wished it was just some figurative expression for killing something, basta something that wasn't really a living thing. But the truth is, i did kill a cat. Well, it was, a kitten.
To make the crime more heinous, it was probably a week-old calico kitten. Saw it this morning with its mom and brother/sister kitten. Before I backed out of the driveway, we (my mom, Ate Dang and I) shooed them away from the car. But for some weird reason, the precarious third member of the entourage managed to run back to my front wheel just as I backed out. I saw the horror in my mom's face. I felt so bad. So indescribably bad.
As with a lot of things that happen; well, as with a lot of things that solicit more than the usual emotions for me, I turn to Him, usually with a whining question of "Why?!"
Exactly, Why did that have to happen to an innocent little kitten. Would've felt less remorse if I ran over the toes of a corrupt government official. Perhaps, that would bring an altogether positive reaction from me.
Anyway, it just felt so...unnecessary. Why have a supposedly nice morning ruined by a killing? Then thoughts about me feeling bad about this kitten, and rationalizing thoughts of me having spared the poor cat a future of hardship, of toiling through garbage in search for food. Yeah right. And at that moment, I felt life shifting beliefs. I wondered if reincarnation was real. No, I wished, reincarnation was/ is true. That the cat was suddenly reincarnated into another, happier version of itself. That it was somewhere being born to richer cat parents. That it will live a life of comfort. That its death would somehow be for its own good.
But remorse was a nagging b*tch. Not just for the poor kitty, but for the fact that it died for nothing; and by my own doing. Then I wondered, do people who kill other people feel the same thing? Or do they also numb the pain by rationalizing the act with the thought that 'it was for their own good'? Then thoughts about political killings crossed my mind. The senselessness of it all. The remorse we feel for poor kittens and hungry puppies, and the numbness we feel at the poverty and hunger of humans. How normal they've become, that seeing them no longer elicits remorse or thoughts and wishes of making things better.
I digress. But those thoughts did come to me as I traversed Makati Ave; even when I tried to drown them in 98.7 wind music. I tried to put them to a halt with a thought that it's all in the past and it's time to move on. That the day has to go on. And I switched to another channel--one where I saw the kitty happily playing in heaven. Then I said a little prayer for him/her.
And I prayed that something happier, way happier event would neutralize this morning remorse.
Things to be grateful for today:
Okay, this is kinda hard.
1. No more sipon.
2. One more day 'til Saturday
3. Paid insurance bill
4. Ok Cey, put some more effort...endorphins
5. Fitflops
6. No morning bumper to bumper traffic
7. Sky, Marty & Bea
8. Happy, healthy family
9. Blue skies
10. Book's about to be available at National (that's more like it)
11. water.
12. Energy to wake up and get off the bed
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Thankful Tuesday
Conscious Effort. Here goes:
1. Understanding parents
2. Heat that doesn't burn
3. Aircon
4. Warm soup (plus point 3)
5. Spongebob and Patrick
6. Laughter
7. Chocolates
8. Pure orange juice, no ice. Big Chill without the chill.
9. Chocovron. And Regi's joy when he has one.
10. Unsolicited smiles
11. Surprise messages
12. Understanding jowa
13. Thoughts that would quiet down
14. Water
15. Hair clips
16. Pimples that didn't leave pockmarks
17. The memory of UP's tree-lined avenues and walking on them on a non-sticky 7am morning
18. The ability to channel happy memories at will
19. Imagining sleep
20. Waking up and knowing that everything will be alright. Rock-a-bye.
1. Understanding parents
2. Heat that doesn't burn
3. Aircon
4. Warm soup (plus point 3)
5. Spongebob and Patrick
6. Laughter
7. Chocolates
8. Pure orange juice, no ice. Big Chill without the chill.
9. Chocovron. And Regi's joy when he has one.
10. Unsolicited smiles
11. Surprise messages
12. Understanding jowa
13. Thoughts that would quiet down
14. Water
15. Hair clips
16. Pimples that didn't leave pockmarks
17. The memory of UP's tree-lined avenues and walking on them on a non-sticky 7am morning
18. The ability to channel happy memories at will
19. Imagining sleep
20. Waking up and knowing that everything will be alright. Rock-a-bye.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Mentally Constipated then this.
With so many things happening I can't seem to stay put and just enjoy the moment. I know I should, but I can't help but rush off to the next task lest I run the risk of listening to my horrid thoughts on defeat and purpose and being tired and going off and looking for that one thing that's supposed to make all these things worth it.
Ah, the joy of rambling.
Just came from Boracay. What was supposed to be one of the most wonderful places in the whole wide world for me was practically smeared by the foul stench of defeat. I hate to admit it, but it still hurts. I kept on asking God, if you knew that I wouldn't win, why even bother giving me the chance to join again?
But I know the answers. The usual suspects that go: There is a purpose for all these. You've had your chance then, it's time for other to reap the European harvest. But why rub it in my face God?
What's the point?
I have always made it a point to end my blogposts in a more or less positive note. But for this time, I am not so sure how this thing would go.
There is comfort in knowing that there is a Grand Plan, but when you feel like you're still in the process of discovering how it all unfolds, the labor pains just seem so unbearable. It's like you're reading a Choose your own Adventure Book and would rather skip to the end and know how it all turns out.
A part of me wants to to...actually, has already told Him, "Labo mo God."
Blasphemous I know. And for fear of being struck by lightning I said, "Ay, sorry. Pero please, bigay mo na sakin 'tong moment na 'to. Let me sulk."
And sulk I did the whole night when defeat was once again rubbed oh so sweetly like carabao dung on my face. I wish it'd work like fertilizer and make good things grow on my head.
Despite the failure, I know that I should still be thankful. That's what they all say. From the rubbles of defeat I shall rise. Bah. Way easier said than done.
I have resisted writing about this. Because I've wanted this blog to be about the things I want to look back on, things I want to reminisce about. Defeat doesn't exactly leave a sweet tingling sensation.
But I guess no matter how much I ramble or think out "Labo mo God" I know I will get to that point when I will look back on this post and laugh at the angsty comments. And be thankful that it did happen, because I became a better person (I don't know yet how at this point) because of dung dung defeat.
Mommy says: Things like these happen so you won't forget Him. You may pray when you're happy, but you pray differently when you're down.
And so I tell Him, "Sincerely, at this point God, ang labo. Do you want me to go on with this path or to go the other way? Should I forge on, or is this a sign to look away? Defeatist? Pragmatist? Weirdly-optimistic? Which one should I be? Whatever it is, please make the signs clear, as you can see I have very bad vision. And I rant when I fall down. So please take my hand, lead me, please? Kasi kung malabo ka, I concede, mas malabo ako."
Things to be thankful for today:
1. Jellybeans from mommy
2. Medical City's night-shift opthalmologist
3. Mommy's eyes are healing well
4. Patient jowa
5. Risotto dinner
6. Del Mar
7. Friends
8. Surprise dress sales
9. Goya Almond Chocolates
10. Leonidas from Regi
11. Shower
12. Car aircon
13. Kermit the frog
14. Happy partners
15. Fern-C
16. Apple Cider vinegar
17. Flash drive
18. Ranting and finally stopping.
Ah, the joy of rambling.
Just came from Boracay. What was supposed to be one of the most wonderful places in the whole wide world for me was practically smeared by the foul stench of defeat. I hate to admit it, but it still hurts. I kept on asking God, if you knew that I wouldn't win, why even bother giving me the chance to join again?
But I know the answers. The usual suspects that go: There is a purpose for all these. You've had your chance then, it's time for other to reap the European harvest. But why rub it in my face God?
What's the point?
I have always made it a point to end my blogposts in a more or less positive note. But for this time, I am not so sure how this thing would go.
There is comfort in knowing that there is a Grand Plan, but when you feel like you're still in the process of discovering how it all unfolds, the labor pains just seem so unbearable. It's like you're reading a Choose your own Adventure Book and would rather skip to the end and know how it all turns out.
A part of me wants to to...actually, has already told Him, "Labo mo God."
Blasphemous I know. And for fear of being struck by lightning I said, "Ay, sorry. Pero please, bigay mo na sakin 'tong moment na 'to. Let me sulk."
And sulk I did the whole night when defeat was once again rubbed oh so sweetly like carabao dung on my face. I wish it'd work like fertilizer and make good things grow on my head.
Despite the failure, I know that I should still be thankful. That's what they all say. From the rubbles of defeat I shall rise. Bah. Way easier said than done.
I have resisted writing about this. Because I've wanted this blog to be about the things I want to look back on, things I want to reminisce about. Defeat doesn't exactly leave a sweet tingling sensation.
But I guess no matter how much I ramble or think out "Labo mo God" I know I will get to that point when I will look back on this post and laugh at the angsty comments. And be thankful that it did happen, because I became a better person (I don't know yet how at this point) because of dung dung defeat.
Mommy says: Things like these happen so you won't forget Him. You may pray when you're happy, but you pray differently when you're down.
And so I tell Him, "Sincerely, at this point God, ang labo. Do you want me to go on with this path or to go the other way? Should I forge on, or is this a sign to look away? Defeatist? Pragmatist? Weirdly-optimistic? Which one should I be? Whatever it is, please make the signs clear, as you can see I have very bad vision. And I rant when I fall down. So please take my hand, lead me, please? Kasi kung malabo ka, I concede, mas malabo ako."
Things to be thankful for today:
1. Jellybeans from mommy
2. Medical City's night-shift opthalmologist
3. Mommy's eyes are healing well
4. Patient jowa
5. Risotto dinner
6. Del Mar
7. Friends
8. Surprise dress sales
9. Goya Almond Chocolates
10. Leonidas from Regi
11. Shower
12. Car aircon
13. Kermit the frog
14. Happy partners
15. Fern-C
16. Apple Cider vinegar
17. Flash drive
18. Ranting and finally stopping.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thank you God for friends.
I just came home from Cat's bridal shower.
And I guess there's nothing like spending quality time with good ol' friends to get to know yourself again. I had a mirror held straight up to my face. And the realizations are as bright as the fluorescent pink nail polish on my fingernails. Last night was a spa session cum all-nighter/early dawn catch-up. This morning, while we ate breakfast and sat at the cusp of once again entering our own realities, we held mirrors to each others' faces and saw what each of us saw in the other. After almost two decades of friendship with these people, seeing them again never fails to remind me of just how blessed I am to have such wonderful people to keep me grounded when I stray too far, and lift me up when I've forgotten who I am, who I can be, and just how wonderful life already is, just being here, now.
For some reason, getting older makes it a conscious effort to be happy. No longer am I the kid whose Saturday banig-mornings in front of the all-morning cartoons was reason enough to be elated with the 9:00 Saturday sunshine. There are things to be done, things to be flustered with, matters that can no longer be relegated to the next free day. But having the same old people telling you things as they see it, or rather showing you your colors as they see them--lets you step on the breaks and realize once again...I'm still the same person. And being happy doesn't have to be hard. Sure the morning cartoons have changed; but the reasons to be thankful for yet another new day, another new Saturday sunshine, as always, still abound.
The hollow feeling that comes with age is actually a matter of perspective and choice. Today I choose to be happy.
Reasons to be thankful for this Saturday:
1. Great great friends
2. Pink nail polish
3. A good massage
4. Un-strict hotel rules
5. A surprisingly fun Tagaytay work-trip
6. Daddy's birthday
7. Love
8. Absolut Mango
9. Boys over flowers
10. Prayer
11. Perspective
12. Life.
p.s.
God, thanks for the Christmas gift that came last wednesday.
add'l thing to be thankful for: Answered Prayers. Wedding plans are on-track. Will finally have a children's book published :)
And I guess there's nothing like spending quality time with good ol' friends to get to know yourself again. I had a mirror held straight up to my face. And the realizations are as bright as the fluorescent pink nail polish on my fingernails. Last night was a spa session cum all-nighter/early dawn catch-up. This morning, while we ate breakfast and sat at the cusp of once again entering our own realities, we held mirrors to each others' faces and saw what each of us saw in the other. After almost two decades of friendship with these people, seeing them again never fails to remind me of just how blessed I am to have such wonderful people to keep me grounded when I stray too far, and lift me up when I've forgotten who I am, who I can be, and just how wonderful life already is, just being here, now.
For some reason, getting older makes it a conscious effort to be happy. No longer am I the kid whose Saturday banig-mornings in front of the all-morning cartoons was reason enough to be elated with the 9:00 Saturday sunshine. There are things to be done, things to be flustered with, matters that can no longer be relegated to the next free day. But having the same old people telling you things as they see it, or rather showing you your colors as they see them--lets you step on the breaks and realize once again...I'm still the same person. And being happy doesn't have to be hard. Sure the morning cartoons have changed; but the reasons to be thankful for yet another new day, another new Saturday sunshine, as always, still abound.
The hollow feeling that comes with age is actually a matter of perspective and choice. Today I choose to be happy.
Reasons to be thankful for this Saturday:
1. Great great friends
2. Pink nail polish
3. A good massage
4. Un-strict hotel rules
5. A surprisingly fun Tagaytay work-trip
6. Daddy's birthday
7. Love
8. Absolut Mango
9. Boys over flowers
10. Prayer
11. Perspective
12. Life.
p.s.
God, thanks for the Christmas gift that came last wednesday.
add'l thing to be thankful for: Answered Prayers. Wedding plans are on-track. Will finally have a children's book published :)
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Thank you God for friends.
I just came home from Cat's bridal shower.
And I guess there's nothing like spending quality time with good ol' friends to get to know yourself again. I had a mirror held straight up to my face. And the realizations are as bright as the fluorescent pink nail polish on my fingernails. Last night was a spa session cum all-nighter/early dawn catch-up. This morning, while we ate breakfast and sat at the cusp of once again entering our own realities, we held mirrors to each others' faces and saw what each of us saw in the other. After almost two decades of friendship with these people, seeing them again never fails to remind me of just how blessed I am to have such wonderful people to keep me grounded when I stray too far, and lift me up when I've forgotten who I am, who I can be, and just how wonderful life already is, just being here, now.
For some reason, getting older makes it a conscious effort to be happy. No longer am I the kid whose Saturday banig-mornings in front of the all-morning cartoons was reason enough to be elated with the 9:00 Saturday sunshine. There are things to be done, things to be flustered with, matters that can no longer be relegated to the next free day. But having the same old people telling you things as they see it, or rather showing you your colors as they see them--lets you step on the breaks and realize once again...I'm still the same person. And being happy doesn't have to be hard. Sure the morning cartoons have changed; but the reasons to be thankful for yet another new day, another new Saturday sunshine, as always, still abound.
The hollow feeling that comes with age is actually a matter of perspective and choice. Today I choose to be happy.
Reasons to be thankful for this Saturday:
1. Great great friends
2. Pink nail polish
3. A good massage
4. Un-strict hotel rules
5. A surprisingly fun Tagaytay work-trip
6. Daddy's birthday
7. Love
8. Absolut Mango
9. Boys over flowers
10. Prayer
11. Perspective
12. Life.
p.s.
God, thanks for the Christmas gift that came last wednesday.
add'l thing to be thankful for: Answered Prayers. Wedding plans are on-track. Will finally have a children's book published :)
And I guess there's nothing like spending quality time with good ol' friends to get to know yourself again. I had a mirror held straight up to my face. And the realizations are as bright as the fluorescent pink nail polish on my fingernails. Last night was a spa session cum all-nighter/early dawn catch-up. This morning, while we ate breakfast and sat at the cusp of once again entering our own realities, we held mirrors to each others' faces and saw what each of us saw in the other. After almost two decades of friendship with these people, seeing them again never fails to remind me of just how blessed I am to have such wonderful people to keep me grounded when I stray too far, and lift me up when I've forgotten who I am, who I can be, and just how wonderful life already is, just being here, now.
For some reason, getting older makes it a conscious effort to be happy. No longer am I the kid whose Saturday banig-mornings in front of the all-morning cartoons was reason enough to be elated with the 9:00 Saturday sunshine. There are things to be done, things to be flustered with, matters that can no longer be relegated to the next free day. But having the same old people telling you things as they see it, or rather showing you your colors as they see them--lets you step on the breaks and realize once again...I'm still the same person. And being happy doesn't have to be hard. Sure the morning cartoons have changed; but the reasons to be thankful for yet another new day, another new Saturday sunshine, as always, still abound.
The hollow feeling that comes with age is actually a matter of perspective and choice. Today I choose to be happy.
Reasons to be thankful for this Saturday:
1. Great great friends
2. Pink nail polish
3. A good massage
4. Un-strict hotel rules
5. A surprisingly fun Tagaytay work-trip
6. Daddy's birthday
7. Love
8. Absolut Mango
9. Boys over flowers
10. Prayer
11. Perspective
12. Life.
p.s.
God, thanks for the Christmas gift that came last wednesday.
add'l thing to be thankful for: Answered Prayers. Wedding plans are on-track. Will finally have a children's book published :)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sweet n' Sour
Sometimes you find yourself in a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation.
And it sucks big time.
When you don't act, you end up bleeding yourself to death trying not to make the other person know how you're hurting just being there.
But if you do act, you still end up hurting that other person. Even if acting merely means moving away.
And then the song plays, "Everybody hurts, sometimes."
Yep. We hurt. As in--we ache, and we inflict pain.
At some point, aren't we all hurting. And isn't it just a matter of not looking at the wound so we wouldn't be reminded that there is a part of us that is in pain.
Sometimes I ask God, "Why don't you just give us what we want, don't you want us to be happy?"
And in my head, He says "Because I want IT to be worth it."
Cey: What's the point?
God: You've been past it several times and you still haven't gotten it? Doesn't the chocolate cake taste better when you've waited for it for such a long time for it to finally arrive on your plate--all glossy and reeking of lovely choco...
Cey: We're digressing...
God: We're not.
Cey: I sorta get Your point about things being worth it in the end--but why can't you just spare us the pain?
And for some reason, I can't continue this line of questioning because I do, sorta kinda know the answer.
Actually, it's more like I know the bottomline. Not to be preachy or anything, but I know, that He does love us.
But sometimes I can't help but wish that He'd bring Paradise right here right now, for us to enjoy while we want it. While we need it.
While the song still plays, "Everybody hurts...sometimes."
Sometimes. I find respite in that word. At least it's not 'everytime'.
Then I remember what Sheryl, a college buddy, once told me waaayyy back as I ranted about heartaches and puppy-love pains: "You're so lucky."
I was dumbfounded. But she expounded on her cryptic message, saying she'd give anything to feel the 'pain', because she only heard about it...from people who experienced stuff. Experienced, not just heard or read about it.
Pain, like the pain on my back reminds me to keep it straight.
in my tummy, tells me to eat (yet again)
in my heart, tells me I might've done the same thing to someone dear; or that I should try not to make others feel its sting.
It's a part of feeling the limbs and appendages that hang away from our heart. I'm alive, the pain says.
But shouldn't pleasure say the same thing?
And then a voice in my head says, "Remember that time when you had too much ice cream?"
Ahh.
And it sucks big time.
When you don't act, you end up bleeding yourself to death trying not to make the other person know how you're hurting just being there.
But if you do act, you still end up hurting that other person. Even if acting merely means moving away.
And then the song plays, "Everybody hurts, sometimes."
Yep. We hurt. As in--we ache, and we inflict pain.
At some point, aren't we all hurting. And isn't it just a matter of not looking at the wound so we wouldn't be reminded that there is a part of us that is in pain.
Sometimes I ask God, "Why don't you just give us what we want, don't you want us to be happy?"
And in my head, He says "Because I want IT to be worth it."
Cey: What's the point?
God: You've been past it several times and you still haven't gotten it? Doesn't the chocolate cake taste better when you've waited for it for such a long time for it to finally arrive on your plate--all glossy and reeking of lovely choco...
Cey: We're digressing...
God: We're not.
Cey: I sorta get Your point about things being worth it in the end--but why can't you just spare us the pain?
And for some reason, I can't continue this line of questioning because I do, sorta kinda know the answer.
Actually, it's more like I know the bottomline. Not to be preachy or anything, but I know, that He does love us.
But sometimes I can't help but wish that He'd bring Paradise right here right now, for us to enjoy while we want it. While we need it.
While the song still plays, "Everybody hurts...sometimes."
Sometimes. I find respite in that word. At least it's not 'everytime'.
Then I remember what Sheryl, a college buddy, once told me waaayyy back as I ranted about heartaches and puppy-love pains: "You're so lucky."
I was dumbfounded. But she expounded on her cryptic message, saying she'd give anything to feel the 'pain', because she only heard about it...from people who experienced stuff. Experienced, not just heard or read about it.
Pain, like the pain on my back reminds me to keep it straight.
in my tummy, tells me to eat (yet again)
in my heart, tells me I might've done the same thing to someone dear; or that I should try not to make others feel its sting.
It's a part of feeling the limbs and appendages that hang away from our heart. I'm alive, the pain says.
But shouldn't pleasure say the same thing?
And then a voice in my head says, "Remember that time when you had too much ice cream?"
Ahh.
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