Sweet n' Sour

Sometimes you find yourself in a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation.
And it sucks big time.
When you don't act, you end up bleeding yourself to death trying not to make the other person know how you're hurting just being there.
But if you do act, you still end up hurting that other person. Even if acting merely means moving away.

And then the song plays, "Everybody hurts, sometimes."

Yep. We hurt. As in--we ache, and we inflict pain.

At some point, aren't we all hurting. And isn't it just a matter of not looking at the wound so we wouldn't be reminded that there is a part of us that is in pain.

Sometimes I ask God, "Why don't you just give us what we want, don't you want us to be happy?"

And in my head, He says "Because I want IT to be worth it."

Cey: What's the point?
God: You've been past it several times and you still haven't gotten it? Doesn't the chocolate cake taste better when you've waited for it for such a long time for it to finally arrive on your plate--all glossy and reeking of lovely choco...
Cey: We're digressing...
God: We're not.
Cey: I sorta get Your point about things being worth it in the end--but why can't you just spare us the pain?

And for some reason, I can't continue this line of questioning because I do, sorta kinda know the answer.

Actually, it's more like I know the bottomline. Not to be preachy or anything, but I know, that He does love us.

But sometimes I can't help but wish that He'd bring Paradise right here right now, for us to enjoy while we want it. While we need it.

While the song still plays, "Everybody hurts...sometimes."

Sometimes. I find respite in that word. At least it's not 'everytime'.

Then I remember what Sheryl, a college buddy, once told me waaayyy back as I ranted about heartaches and puppy-love pains: "You're so lucky."

I was dumbfounded. But she expounded on her cryptic message, saying she'd give anything to feel the 'pain', because she only heard about it...from people who experienced stuff. Experienced, not just heard or read about it.

Pain, like the pain on my back reminds me to keep it straight.
in my tummy, tells me to eat (yet again)
in my heart, tells me I might've done the same thing to someone dear; or that I should try not to make others feel its sting.

It's a part of feeling the limbs and appendages that hang away from our heart. I'm alive, the pain says.

But shouldn't pleasure say the same thing?

And then a voice in my head says, "Remember that time when you had too much ice cream?"

Ahh.