Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Ilang araw na lang.

Rayray:


Totoo pala yung sinasabi nila na pag malapit na lumabas...maa-atat ka ng todo.
Naiinip na ko sa kakaintay.
Pero a part of me is telling me, "Ay naku, sulitin mo na ang tulog mo hangga't pwede pa."
Pero may mas malaking parte na nagsasabi na, "Game na. Tara na! Kitakits na tayo Rayray!"

Kung makita mo sana ang langit ngayon, sana wag kang malulungkot kagaya ng nanay mong parang napapasimangot pag walang araw.
Baduy man, pero alam mo kung ba't ka Rayray? (Bukod sa due date mo ay feast day ni St. Raymund Nonato...at anak ka nila Regi at Ceycey--)
Kasi alam ng nanay mo na kahit ano pa man ang kundisyon ng panahon,
gaano man ka-pangit at ka-gloomy ng langit,
You'll always be their ray of sunshine.

O, wag kang ma-pressure.
Feeling ko naman di mo kailangang umeffort to be one.
Gaya ng sabi ng kanta, "I love you just the way you are."
So, kahit tulugan mo pa ko ng ilang oras. Puyatin mo ko ng ilang gabi.
Iyakan mo ko.
Pass gass any way you want to.
Or just look at me for a few minutes only to doze off again.
I know that having you will only give us way more reasons to be feeling all sunny and cheery each waking moment. Kahit ano pa man ang lagay ng panahon.

I can't wait to hear your first coos. Your first laugh.
Your first word. Nanay kaya o Tatay?
Pag labas mo, nood tayo ng Sesame Street. Sana mas gusto mo yun kesa kay Barney.
Swimming tayo.
Bulagain natin Tatay mo sa umaga.
Tambay tayo sa Powerbooks, tapos basa tayo ng mga libro.
Then you can pick your favorites tas bilhin natin para pwede mong ulit-ulitin.
Punta tayo sa mga Lolos and Lolas mo.
Magaling ka kaya kumanta o sumayaw? Ano kaya ang pang-aliw mo sa kanila?

Teka, ang advanced go na ata mag-isip.
Basta for now, sana oks ka dyan sa loob.
Sa Sabado, tatanungin ko na si Doc kung pwede na maglakad-lakad.
Para next week, sana sumakto sa Aug 31...
magkita na tayo.

Tara?

Love you.

p.s.
Sabayan mo kami ni Tatay sa pagp-pray that everything goes well ha :) See you!

Nanay


Tuesday, August 09, 2011

And the countdown begins.

To Rayray:


It's almost unbelievable.
How in a few weeks, I'll be seeing you.
Parang kailan lang ang bagets ko pa.
Tapos ngayon, I'll be having a baget (isang baget) of my own.
Wow.
Thinking about it makes me swallow hard.
Pa'no kaya ko as a mom?
Sana kayanin ko. Well, I shouldn't be thinking about that now, right?
Dapat lang kayanin ko.
What I meant to say was, sana kayanin kong maging mabuti...awesome nanay.
Your tatay and I both have great sets of parents. Oh, you'll love your lolos and lolas.
They're wonderful and they're all waiting for you.
They're simply overflowing with lots and lots and lots of love to give.
And I can't bear the thought of short-changing you.
You deserve to have wonderful parents too.
Sana talaga kaya namin ng tatay mo.

I'm sorry about last Saturday.
You shouldn't have heard me being on the verge of a meltdown.
I was just being a brat.
Probably overwhelmed with the thought of being on the brink of a major major change.

But please know that it comes from the fear of not being good enough for you.
I don't want to be an adequate parent. I want to be the best mom I could ever be for you. You know how afraid I am of failing...at anything.
All the more in this aspect.

Right now, I'm feeling you kick.
Parang gusto mo nang lumabas.
O may gusto ka bang sabihin?
O gutom na ba tayo?

There are so many things that go on through my head. That work actually offers solace.
But prayers give me the most peace.
So please pray for me. For your tatay and me--that we'll be as God-given to you, as you are to us.

I may not look enthusiastic now, but it's just the tiredness seeping out of my eyes. But believe me, I'm so excited to see you, to hug you, to kiss you, to talk to you, to listen to you coo, to watch you kick, and see you smile.

I'm so excited to read books to you, and listen to what you have to say. We're going to have so much fun. I'm going to teach you how to swim. Your tatay's going to teach you to play ball. We'll eat ice cream (but not too much), and cake (and drink lots of water after!) And hopefully, you'll love veggies too.

We'll watch Sesame Street together. Or you tell me what fun thing you want to do, and we'll do it! (hopefully, it doesn't involve skating downhill or anything that can break bones).
Euw. See, you're not even here yet and already I'm being...such a mommy!

But really, I want you to have so much fun. Seriously.
I want you to enjoy life as much as your tatay and I do. No...even much much more than we do! I pray you'll have great dreams and will never tire of reaching for them; and you'll always have a generous heart to share the fruits with others. And that you'll always live each day knowing how much you are loved.


Osya, I'm turning mushy again.

p.s.
sana kahit malaki ka na, you'll still hug me & tatay.

luv,
nanay

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

From Rayray To Nanay

Dear Nanay,

Don't worry. I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm excited to see you and tatay too. I know there are so many things going on in your head right now. They say it's normal for moms, especially for first-timers to be praning and all that. But I just want you to know that you're doing good. I'm having fun here. I'm growing well. And I'm grateful for everything you and tatay and all my lolos and lolas and titos and titas and cousins and friends and everyone's been doing for me. Thanks for praying for me.

Please don't stress over me too much. I worry about you too, you know that? So, why not let's make a pact. I'll stop worrying about you, and you stop worrying about me! Not to say that we won't care about each other anymore, it's just that...I want you to enjoy this too. I'll be out in a month. You've been through this for 8 months now, you can do it Nanay. I'll be cheering you on (from the inside!) when it's finally time for me to come out.

So...don't worry okay? I'm praying for you and tatay too. (And for all of our loved ones, friends, and everyone else you pray for every day).

It's okay for you to get hormonal from time to time. I know it's hard to be away from the sweets and the sushi and all other things nice. But as you say...it's all gonna be worth it. We're gonna have so much fun when I finally come out. Don't worry about the sleepless nights. You'll be having sweet dreams even 'til you wake up.

I can't wait to see you too Nanay.

And when I get the hiccups...I'm not just doing practice breathing; I'm telling you I love you.

:))
Rayray

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

To my Playmate,

Sabi ng iba, pag sumisipa ka daw, kantahan kita para tumigil ka sa pagsipa.
Sabi ko, baka lalo kang mapa-sipa pag kumanta ko.

But really, I don't care how much you kick throughout the day. I enjoy every hiccup every kick, or fist bump you make. May tao na talaga sa loob. Ang galing!

As you may have heard, Nanay had to STOP (not even cut down?!) eating processed sweets. So goodbye dark chocolate macadamia cookie, goodbye alfajor, goodbye butterscotch fudge bar, goodbye Snickers Peanut Butter Bar...chocolate decadent cheesecake, fudgey-wudgey brownies...oh how my heart aches at the thought of saying goodbye.

No, I don't have diabetes. Doc's just taking the necessary precautions--and for some reason, I suspect, may have a connection with the office's CCTV cams...how else could she have known?! (uy, pero 'in moderation' lang naman, anak.)

Weniwei. The list of all the wonderfully sweet stuff on top of salmon sushi and other featured products on my food porn files that I've had to say sayonara to may cause my heart to ache a teensy-weensy bit...pero anak, hello no, we both know it's all going to be worth it :)

Yeah, kahit alam kong pag labas mo di ko pa rin sila kaagad makakain lahat dahil we're hoping to b***stfeed you for as long as I could, but just the thought of seeing you all healthy and happy makes me want to say, kahit hangin na lang ang kainin ko okay lang. (basta chocolate flavored man lang sana? joke lang.)

Magse-seven months ka na. We're so excited to see you in a few months' time. Sana September, pag-pray mo kayanin ni nanay at tatay ang lamaze.

We love you. We're always praying for you. And we feel so amazingly blessed to have you.

Fist bump,
Nanay

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

You kicked!

Last night as I lay in bed waiting for sleep...you kicked! For the first time you kicked! I wanted to wake your Tatay up, but I knew he was tired (and what use would it be for him to put his hand on my tummy when it was highly probable that we'd have to wait for a few more hours 'til you made your presence felt again.)

But thank you for that brief moment of 'Hello.' I'm so, so, sooooooo excited to see you in a few months. Your Ate Marty and Kuya Sky can't wait to see their newest pinsan.

And yes...I'm trying to lay off the sweets...konti lang, promise.

See you Sat! Hopefully we'll know then whether to call you Baby-baby girl or Baby-baby boy.

We love you. Welcome to the world in 4 months!

Luv,
Nanay

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Dinner at the Stock Market (high dividends!)

For the past few Saturdays, I've been hibernating.
Mostly because I didn't have the energy to go out, just got off being sick, or just had to recharge from a tiring week.

I have been on econo-mode. I thought that the best way to conserve my energy was just to stay on the couch and be as close as possible to the bedroom for when the pillows beckon.

But tonight, I finally got to join the girls' monthly kitakits with sila Seiji. I'm not the type to blog, "Just came from dinner with the girls..." Oh but here I am, doing so. Lest I forget the feeling of coming home on a Saturday night, not feeling enervated nor feeling all the more bad when I realize I did absolutely nothing but 'recharge' or 'hibernate' to no avail.

I got it all mixed up. Apparently, pulling my ass off the couch and meeting up with good ol' friends is one of the best ways to really recharge. To hear the laughter that used to echo on the high school walls, to hear about stories about little brothers and sisters (who are now about to graduate from college?!!) At one point I felt old, but for the most part, I just felt...happy.

Happy to be in the company of people whom you knew saw you at your happiest, knew you at some of your crummiest moments, shared the totoy/nene days with you, didn't care how you looked, shared your dreams and corny jokes with. People who were part of those years you know you'll never ever forget--and you'll never tire of reminiscin' about.

And even when you talk about similar woes about long work-hours, adult issues and stuff, for the most part you just spend the evening enjoying the good food, relishing the stories, and basking in the same heart-thumping, pasta-peeping (as in teeth pasta!), syncopated laughter, that brings you back to the walls of St. Paul.

Time travel at its finest.
Energy level: high.

p.s.
Baby-baby says: See mom, choose happy :).
Ok, time for bed. Love you.

Again God, thanks for great family, great friends, and energy to enjoy them all. And thanks Regi for you-know-what.
:))

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Baby, baby, baby oh.

There are mornings when I wake up and the first thought that enters my head goes "Lord, be my strength."

I read that in the first 3 months of pregnancy, though your body seems to be doing nothing (net-net, you're not running around or doing jumping jacks and all that) but really, the amount of effort it's expending at the moment--just so it could produce everything the little one needs, is almost like it's climbing a mountain. I'm not sure if that's accurate, but the analogy seems appropriate. Really, because there are times when you could probably look me in the eye and tell me, "Sige nga, fall asleep." And I'll get to dreamland faster than you can count to 50; and you can do that at practically any time of the day.

I'm always hungry. But I don't know what to eat. Well, lately, anything that comes by me, I can munch down. (Although I'm hoping I'll be diligent enough to pack enough fruits in my lunch bag so I won't have to cheat with sweet treats.) And the over-sensitive sense of smell is just...just that. Over. The simplest smell could make me feel nauseous. I can't even put on my favorite lotion (well, any lotion for that matter) without feeling like reaching for the toilet bowl.

Sometimes even eating could be like lottery. You'll never know which ones will make you feel gassy the whole day, all the more nauseous, or hopefully (if you're a winner) won't bother you with a burp at all.

Oh the list of woes just seems to go on. I can almost feel the baby saying, "Mom..it's not really my fault, is it?"

And now I'm getting all teary-eyed (yes, another down-side, with mixed-up hormones that get my emotions on hyper-drive...I've been emotional before getting pregnant, that was the default mode, now imagine me high on progesterone; it's a chick-flick cry-fest.) But hormones aside, I'd still get teary-eyed at that thought.

And if I were to talk to my baby I'd tell him/her:
Cey: No, no it's not your fault.
Baby: Still, I'm sorry for making you feel all...crappy.
Cey: Aw, c'mon. It's not your fault.
Baby: If you knew it was gonna be this uncomfortable, would you still have wanted to...you know...
Cey: Don't you even dare ask that.
Baby: What.
Cey: Honestly, if I knew it wouldn't be so easy, I...I would've been afraid to get into this whole pregnancy thing...I would've thought about postponing it for a while...but then I'd think again (and of course with much consultation with your Tatay) just get on with it. (or to Marvin Gaye's joy, simply 'Get it on!')
Baby: Yeah right.
Cey: Cocky eh. Only a baby and already you've got some spunk.
Baby: I don't think that's me, that's you speaking in my voice.
Cey: Oh.
Baby: But, really? You mean that?
Cey: Let's put it this way. Remember last week? When we were pitching, and I had to stay up til 4am...and get back to the office by 730...and you didn't even give me a bit of a bother...anyway, that's beside the point. The pitch was about kids right? And...and I kept on thinking about you. And I saw you. I imagined you, looking at me, playing with me and your daddy/tatay. And you were smiling. And you're so happy. And I felt like a mom.
And I realized how excited I am to see you.
I'm so happy to have you.
And despite the fact that there are days when I can't help but wish that I'll feel better; or I just feel like I'm suddenly so old and drained. If that's what it would take to have you...
Baby: Then it's all worth it right? :)
Cey: I'm sorry, I can't think of a more profound way of saying it.
Baby: It's okay. That's more than enough.

Cey: One last thing, please help us pray that you be shielded from all the days' stress. We really want you to be a happy, healthy, normal wonderful baby boy/girl.
See you in 6 months and a week.
Baby: Ok, nanay.
Cey: Oh, and one more thing. I love you.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Things to be thankful on a Thursday

1. Sipon-less breathing (pardon the graphic detail, but it feels great!)
2. Quaker Oats Cookies
3. Energy!
4. Counting down to August 31 :)
5. Counting down til the end of the first trimester!!! (goodbye sluggish self!)
6. Sesame Street
7. Kermitty Frog Notebook
8. Traffic moving along EDSA
9. Bubblegum scented elevators
10. Appetite
11. Appetite for life
12. Moms :)
13. Sky passing the entrance exam!!
14. Sleep
15. The ability to get back to sleep
16. 5 minutes before being late.
17. Exciting creative briefs
18. Thinking about eating cheese omelettes and not wanting to throw up
19. Suha
20. Buko Juice
21. Cravings and knowing where and how to get 'em
22. Bo's Feasts at the PICC
23. Regi
25. Bigggg support system
26. A loving family
27. Thoughts of Kayla, Simba and Kali...and the other dogs in Arayat
28. Imagination.
29. Looking forward to a happy, healthy, normal, absolutely wonderful Baby Boy/Girl :)
30. lurve.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

In a few months, hello.

Ever the planner, I hate uncertainties.
Who doesn't?
But every morning, I tell God, "Lord, I lift up to you all of my worries. And I thank you for this wonderful blessing."

Last night was the first night I slept without waking up at an ungodly hour contemplating on whether to go to the bathroom to pee, throw up or do nothing.

I told my mom, I have a renewed appreciation for mothers, now having a preview of what they had to go through just to...just to...cross-over and be somebody who used to have to worry about herself, to putting someone so tiny before her own needs.

In a few days, we'll see each other. But you'll be on an ultrasound screen, as babycenter.com said, you'll probably be the size of a lentil; but your Tatay and I will already get to hear your heartbeat.

I thought I'm not the mushy-mommy type, but just thinking about seeing you on Thursday gets me all teary-eyed. Baduy, I know. But I can't imagine how overwhelming seeing you in approximately 8 months will be.

Yes, I have fears. I dare not speak of them. That's why I've offered them all to Him who knows what's best for you, and me and your Tatay (who still can't decide if he'll be papa/daddy/tatay). But please don't feel bad that nanay's afraid. I'm just trying to adjust from being a selfish individual to a would-be mom. Bear with me, please?

And though it may not be too obvious at this point, as my consciousness usually travels between work and fending-off the gassy/acidic/sleepy/can't-quite-figure-out-what-to-eat feelings, please know that I love you. I haven't even met you yet, but I know I love you.


p.s.
"Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away... :)"

Luv,
Nanay