With the frustrating events from the past few days, I showered this morning with the dismal thought 'Why must we make each other sad?'
Either by disappointing each other. By being abrasive. Or simply not caring.
And I thought, how sad to raise Rayray to such brazen display of...dispassion.
Or rather, how sad for him to be raised by a jaded mom.
And as I came to work, I got a cookie. Chocolate chip. Keebler. And already, I knew this day God's going to show-off.
A cookie, sometimes it's all I need to realize that maybe I'm just looking at all the wrong things. Maybe I'm taking for granted the nice ones. Maybe I'm just thinking too much.
And as I let the day roll along, I got another surprise--a cute pair of blue caterpillar rubbery crocsy type of slippers a friend got for Rayray. She got them for him, for no reason at all.
Hah.
C'mon world, happify me. I'm ready.
(Thank you God.)
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Thoughts that run around my head when I see Rayray:
1. You're growing up so fast--which is both a good thing and a not-so-good thing. Can't wait to hear you speak your thoughts; Not necessarily looking forward to you introducing me to your girlfriend. (Basta sana lovable sya.)
2. Of all the sleepless nights we've had, more than sulit.
3. I still get amazed when I think that you came from mommy's tummy.
4. Sana you'll always be malambing.
5. Ikaw, ano kayang iniisip mo when you look at me and your tatay?
6. I pray you'll always be a happy person.
7. I hope you'll always remember all those stuff we pray for every night.
:)
Thursday, May 03, 2012
Dear Ceycey from 8 months ago.
If I were to meet myself 8 months ago, these are the things I'd tell her:
1. Quit worrying about the breastmilk. Believe me, it'll last.
2. Rayray loves you, even when he cries; even when it takes you a bit longer than the average mom to find out why. He loves you still.
3. Don't compare yourself to those other moms. They probably look like they're having it easy--maybe it's true, or they could be faking it. Each mom to herself. (At least when it comes to mothering styles.)
4. Yes, yes, that's right, show your mom how much you appreciate her; especially now that you've got a preview of how truly hard it is.
5. Oh c'mon, don't be too hard on Regi. Yeah, yeah, he may not get motherhood as well as you can (duh, do guys have a uterus?) but believe me, even when he looks like he doesn't care much...he does, he SO does. He just has to keep his cool and can't be as emotional as you are, because you'll go nuclear if you're both on a drama high.
6. Get some sunshine!!! Those messed-up hormones are all the more gonna get messed up if you don't get your much needed vitamin D! (and fresh air, and a dose of reality, and a wake-up call that YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD WHO'S GOT ISSUES.)
7. It may be hard getting to do simple things like peeing, p**ing, taking a bath, even getting off the bed, but believe me, it's gonna get better much faster than you think. Cherish these moments, because in times when you think there ain't much happening in your life, the mere fact that you get to do all those bathroom duties in a jiffy (flashback to these days) will already make you feel genuinely blessed.
8. You're a mom. Nanay ka na! BASK IN THAT FACT as much as you can. Daydream about Rayray's graduation speech, think of how he'll celebrate his first birthday, his 7th...how he'll introduce the girl (erk.) wait, not too far; anyway, enjoy mommyhood and embrace the fact that there will always be tons of things for you to worry about 'Was that a wheeze I heard?' What's that I felt on his nape...a lump?! Why is pee too yellow? Is his bumbum irritated? Is he getting enough milk? Gassy? Fussy? Will I get to sleep tonight??!?!
And that's just for today.
But no matter how many reasons your mind can concoct just so your could wallow in worries over reasons imagined or real, the fact remains that this miracle of life you call Rayray got to this world oh-so-beautifully with (yes, a bit...well a lot of) worrying and care from your end, but for the most part, it's by God's grace that he came into your life.
So quit worrying too much. Sayang ang energy. Make a conscious effort to enjoy every moment you have with him. No, it's not because he's gonna grow up fast (although to some extent, that is true), but simply because Rayray wants you to be happy too. He wants you to be a happy nanay. And not think that just because he came into your life your spontaneity and youthful ardor for things both mature and mundane should be shelved.
He wants you to be happy for him, and with him.
9. When he's too fussy, sometimes he's just gassy. Manzanilla! (on your palm first, then rub your palms on his tummy, coccyx, and his feet.
10. Don't cry when you have to give him some formula. Mixed feeding doesn't make you an evil mom. It won't make him less of what he should be. And most of all, it's NOT going to make your milk stop.
11. There will be times when you just want to cry--hormones, fatigue, or what have you. Go ahead. But make a conscious effort to remember the first time you heard his heartbeat and the doc confirmed that 'yep, you're gonna have a baby'. And you'll know, it has, and always will be...more than worth it.
:)
Cey
1. Quit worrying about the breastmilk. Believe me, it'll last.
2. Rayray loves you, even when he cries; even when it takes you a bit longer than the average mom to find out why. He loves you still.
3. Don't compare yourself to those other moms. They probably look like they're having it easy--maybe it's true, or they could be faking it. Each mom to herself. (At least when it comes to mothering styles.)
4. Yes, yes, that's right, show your mom how much you appreciate her; especially now that you've got a preview of how truly hard it is.
5. Oh c'mon, don't be too hard on Regi. Yeah, yeah, he may not get motherhood as well as you can (duh, do guys have a uterus?) but believe me, even when he looks like he doesn't care much...he does, he SO does. He just has to keep his cool and can't be as emotional as you are, because you'll go nuclear if you're both on a drama high.
6. Get some sunshine!!! Those messed-up hormones are all the more gonna get messed up if you don't get your much needed vitamin D! (and fresh air, and a dose of reality, and a wake-up call that YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD WHO'S GOT ISSUES.)
7. It may be hard getting to do simple things like peeing, p**ing, taking a bath, even getting off the bed, but believe me, it's gonna get better much faster than you think. Cherish these moments, because in times when you think there ain't much happening in your life, the mere fact that you get to do all those bathroom duties in a jiffy (flashback to these days) will already make you feel genuinely blessed.
8. You're a mom. Nanay ka na! BASK IN THAT FACT as much as you can. Daydream about Rayray's graduation speech, think of how he'll celebrate his first birthday, his 7th...how he'll introduce the girl (erk.) wait, not too far; anyway, enjoy mommyhood and embrace the fact that there will always be tons of things for you to worry about 'Was that a wheeze I heard?' What's that I felt on his nape...a lump?! Why is pee too yellow? Is his bumbum irritated? Is he getting enough milk? Gassy? Fussy? Will I get to sleep tonight??!?!
And that's just for today.
But no matter how many reasons your mind can concoct just so your could wallow in worries over reasons imagined or real, the fact remains that this miracle of life you call Rayray got to this world oh-so-beautifully with (yes, a bit...well a lot of) worrying and care from your end, but for the most part, it's by God's grace that he came into your life.
So quit worrying too much. Sayang ang energy. Make a conscious effort to enjoy every moment you have with him. No, it's not because he's gonna grow up fast (although to some extent, that is true), but simply because Rayray wants you to be happy too. He wants you to be a happy nanay. And not think that just because he came into your life your spontaneity and youthful ardor for things both mature and mundane should be shelved.
He wants you to be happy for him, and with him.
9. When he's too fussy, sometimes he's just gassy. Manzanilla! (on your palm first, then rub your palms on his tummy, coccyx, and his feet.
10. Don't cry when you have to give him some formula. Mixed feeding doesn't make you an evil mom. It won't make him less of what he should be. And most of all, it's NOT going to make your milk stop.
11. There will be times when you just want to cry--hormones, fatigue, or what have you. Go ahead. But make a conscious effort to remember the first time you heard his heartbeat and the doc confirmed that 'yep, you're gonna have a baby'. And you'll know, it has, and always will be...more than worth it.
:)
Cey
Friday, April 13, 2012
The Post Post Partum (D) Post
After x number of months, I'm finally back.
Was putting off writing because I was thinking of starting off with the Post-Post-Partum (D) Post. But I don't think I'm that rrrready to get back to the dark ages. Not just yet.
Would rather look at the bright side, and enjoy lucid thoughts on motherhood.
Sometimes there are days when I think that the bad hormones are still in my system; or the drama queen in me just found yet another reason to unabashedly wallow in self-pity. Mommy guilt. "Am I doing this right?"
"Am I being a good mother?"
"Will this make him the best that he could be? or Will it set him back?"
Praninger-Z. If I were to acknowledge all the questions ringing in my head, I guess I'll never be a happy mom.
For now, the best trick I've learned is holding on to the mantra:
Being a momma's an act of faith. Thank God for God.
Because the truth is, no matter what the books, experts, moms, grandmoms, in-laws or the best-ever-mother-awardee would say the best way to be a mom is--what they say is best may not be what's best for me. Because no two moms are the same.
There is no cut & dried, tried and tested, guaranteed way to do this perfectly.
In times when Rayray cries and I can't seem to figure out what to do, I imagine myself laying my head on Mama Mary's lap. And there I find my rest; and 15-second respite from the heartbreaking, indecipherable waaahs. Sometimes I get to make him stop, sometimes he still cries. But there is comfort in knowing that God won't let me be a nanay if I couldn't be a loving one to Rayray.
As my friend Ina said, "...what matters most is that your baby knows you love him/her."
Hay Rayray, there may be times when Nanay can't seem to figure out what you want.
When Nanay can't come home early.
When Nanay can't amuse you longer.
When Nanay can't give you the best types of unprocessed food.
When Nanay can't give you more breastmilk that she can...
When...
The list could go on for as long as the guilt-trip can find the inroads I've created in my head--
But remember, Rayray, that I try, and will try really hard to be the best nanay I can be for you. And I want to be happy doing it. Because this guilt-trip's not meant to be a joyride for two.
So I'm parking the guilt. And basking in the thought that I finally get what they say about babies taking away all your tiredness with one hug.
(Because I used to think "Wha?! I'm still one tired momma.")
And the inexplicable joy I get just watching you sleep.
Wow. I've truly been mommified.
Luv,
Nanay
Was putting off writing because I was thinking of starting off with the Post-Post-Partum (D) Post. But I don't think I'm that rrrready to get back to the dark ages. Not just yet.
Would rather look at the bright side, and enjoy lucid thoughts on motherhood.
Sometimes there are days when I think that the bad hormones are still in my system; or the drama queen in me just found yet another reason to unabashedly wallow in self-pity. Mommy guilt. "Am I doing this right?"
"Am I being a good mother?"
"Will this make him the best that he could be? or Will it set him back?"
Praninger-Z. If I were to acknowledge all the questions ringing in my head, I guess I'll never be a happy mom.
For now, the best trick I've learned is holding on to the mantra:
Being a momma's an act of faith. Thank God for God.
Because the truth is, no matter what the books, experts, moms, grandmoms, in-laws or the best-ever-mother-awardee would say the best way to be a mom is--what they say is best may not be what's best for me. Because no two moms are the same.
There is no cut & dried, tried and tested, guaranteed way to do this perfectly.
In times when Rayray cries and I can't seem to figure out what to do, I imagine myself laying my head on Mama Mary's lap. And there I find my rest; and 15-second respite from the heartbreaking, indecipherable waaahs. Sometimes I get to make him stop, sometimes he still cries. But there is comfort in knowing that God won't let me be a nanay if I couldn't be a loving one to Rayray.
As my friend Ina said, "...what matters most is that your baby knows you love him/her."
Hay Rayray, there may be times when Nanay can't seem to figure out what you want.
When Nanay can't come home early.
When Nanay can't amuse you longer.
When Nanay can't give you the best types of unprocessed food.
When Nanay can't give you more breastmilk that she can...
When...
The list could go on for as long as the guilt-trip can find the inroads I've created in my head--
But remember, Rayray, that I try, and will try really hard to be the best nanay I can be for you. And I want to be happy doing it. Because this guilt-trip's not meant to be a joyride for two.
So I'm parking the guilt. And basking in the thought that I finally get what they say about babies taking away all your tiredness with one hug.
(Because I used to think "Wha?! I'm still one tired momma.")
And the inexplicable joy I get just watching you sleep.
Wow. I've truly been mommified.
Luv,
Nanay
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