In a few months, hello.

Ever the planner, I hate uncertainties.
Who doesn't?
But every morning, I tell God, "Lord, I lift up to you all of my worries. And I thank you for this wonderful blessing."

Last night was the first night I slept without waking up at an ungodly hour contemplating on whether to go to the bathroom to pee, throw up or do nothing.

I told my mom, I have a renewed appreciation for mothers, now having a preview of what they had to go through just to...just to...cross-over and be somebody who used to have to worry about herself, to putting someone so tiny before her own needs.

In a few days, we'll see each other. But you'll be on an ultrasound screen, as babycenter.com said, you'll probably be the size of a lentil; but your Tatay and I will already get to hear your heartbeat.

I thought I'm not the mushy-mommy type, but just thinking about seeing you on Thursday gets me all teary-eyed. Baduy, I know. But I can't imagine how overwhelming seeing you in approximately 8 months will be.

Yes, I have fears. I dare not speak of them. That's why I've offered them all to Him who knows what's best for you, and me and your Tatay (who still can't decide if he'll be papa/daddy/tatay). But please don't feel bad that nanay's afraid. I'm just trying to adjust from being a selfish individual to a would-be mom. Bear with me, please?

And though it may not be too obvious at this point, as my consciousness usually travels between work and fending-off the gassy/acidic/sleepy/can't-quite-figure-out-what-to-eat feelings, please know that I love you. I haven't even met you yet, but I know I love you.


p.s.
"Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away... :)"

Luv,
Nanay